Losing Noah

My kids always get asked a lot of questions regarding Callie being transgender, the thing they get asked the most is if they miss Noah. Last night Jason and I were discussing that and realized there's not much to miss about Noah considering all of the traits we loved about him were Callie's. Now this doesn't mean I don't miss my little boy, because trust me I do. I cried about it a lot in the beginning, but decided this is for the best. Our kids on the other hand have pretty much forgot Noah was a person! Our oldest literally sat there for a moment at our family counseling session and then said"OH! Noah was your name! I didn't know who that was!" so to answer everyones questions-they don't exactly miss Noah. Even if they were to say they miss Noah we wouldn't be able to do anything about it, this isn't the same as losing someone because of death. You don't have the comfort of knowing you'll see each other one day, you can't be happy with the knowledge that they're in a better place. They're just gone, never to be seen or heard from again, but when it comes down to it we're better off without Noah. Noah was just a mask for our girl to wear until she was ready to show the world her true colors, he wasn't exactly a real person. At the end of the day every time I think about Noah I remind myself that if I forced my daughter to remain as Noah I wouldn't have a son or a daughter. If we were to force her to live a lie she would be one of the many transgender children who start to resent themselves, their parents, and siblings. I don't want that for her. As much as I loved the name Noah-legit my favorite boy name EVER-I love my daughter and everything about her 5 million times more. I love her outlook on life, I love the way she runs to her daddy when he walks in the door after work, I love the fact she's so open about all of this because she wants to help another kid who is going through the same thing, and I love that she's ours and I wouldn't trade her for the world.