You're teaching him what?!

Recently Ryker and I were at the library while the kids were at school and I had asked him something and he signed his answer. This confused some people who were looking on and one mom commented on how bad it is to teach your kids sign language as opposed to actual words. If only she knew why my little guy signing was so important to me. When I realized Ryker had a speech delay I also realized he still needed to communicate somehow and looked for ways to teach kids sign language. I was able to find a really cute TV show called "Signing Time" which teaches basic signs that kids use everyday and also says the word verbally so it was pretty helpful in getting him to know what sign was what. Since starting this about a month ago Ryker has learned about 20 signs and is starting to say words to go with them. Even if he wasn't behind verbally I would still push sign language on him, it's something I've always wanted to learn and never had the chance to do so and it put a barrier between my deaf family members and myself. Learning signs will allow him to communicate with so many other people as well and besides that it's been proven kids who sign do better in school, not exactly my goal right now but it's a valid point. I'm hoping and praying that he continues to sign as well as he does and that the verbal words slowly but surely come along with it. This journey to get him to talk is going to be a long one and signing is going to make it a lot easier for all of us.

What does your family think?

I think one of the only topics I haven't fully touched on as far as Callie is concerned is our family's thoughts on how were raising her. As with every family you have people who support you and people who don't. We seem to have lucked out however and more than half our family is really supportive. I feel like the fact we knew before we found out kind of helped, we were pretty prepared when we got the diagnosis and had already told the family our thoughts on it. One of my aunts actually works with transgender people so she knew exactly what was going on and that what we were going through was 100% real. My mom loves Jazz Jennings so she was fine since she had heard of it. The other family members seem to be supportive, but most don't bring it up-which is find with us! However I do have one cousin who will either leave the room or change the subject anytime we mention Callie. I mean anytime, it doesn't even have to be gender related! It's like because Callie is transgender she's less of a person to her and that's not ok with me and honestly broken most of our bond. Other than that one person no one else seems to mind or at least they haven't vocalized it or made it known in anyway. Jason's side of the family is pretty supportive as well, minus his sister who hates me so is probably blaming me for this, they love Callie just the way she is. Jason's mom actually made me cry when we told her, we were afraid she wouldn't accept this because she is super religious, but she simply said "I loved her when her name was Noah, the only thing really changing is her name. She's always been this person.". It's safe to say that our little girl has more support than we expected, so to our family and friends who are supporting us. Thank you. To the ones we've lost because of our decision, when you have a child you'll understand. You sign on with no strings attached and this is just one of those times you have to do what's best for your kid. We're sorry you don't agree, but Callie is more important to us than you are. Sorry, but it's the truth.

Bathroom Drama!

First off, I'm sorry that there was no post on Sunday and that Friday's post was rushed my grandma passed away a few days ago and my heart wasn't into blogging until today. Unless you live under a rock you heard about the bathroom drama going on at Target. Target decided to once again be the best store in retail, they said transgender people can use the bathroom they are most comfortable with not the one they were assigned at birth. As you can imagine people are pissed, to the point they're boycotting Target, but Target isn't backing down. If you know me you know our family spends probably 90% of our money shopping at Target, between Jason and I supporting two different stores we don't have an issue keeping them in business especially now. Not only was this company amazing with the toy section that is slowly growing on me, but is now taking a stand to not just support transgender kids, but adults as well. This is a huge step and honestly a good marketing strategy, transgender people will shop where they feel most comfortable-a place that supports them-Target might be losing bigots, but they're gaining new shoppers and supports will most likely spend more because of this. I know Jason personally went to thank the manager at our local Target and ended up spending money while waiting for him to come up to the front. All in all I think this move will do them some good and really who really keeps up with this boycotting businesses thing? I tried boycotting Walmart once then I needed something only they had and was forced to go back in and it went down hill from there. I guarantee the people "boycotting" will have a similar experience. The other option for this, just don't worry what's in people's pants! Like really if you're that focused what's in someones pants maybe they aren't the ones with issues-YOU ARE! I actually had a grown man ask me if my daughter was born a girl and I told him straight up it was none of his concern you can't just ask someone what's in their pants or their child's but especially a child! I don't know what these people do in bathrooms, but I just go in and do my thing and leave 90% of the time I don't even talk to anyone because it's awkward to talk to people in the bathroom. So all in all, I think Target is making the right decision and will make up for lost revenue in the end. We are definitely team Target in this house.

Let them be little

Everyday people ask me about what milestones my kids have hit, if they're reading chapter books, telling me that certain things need to happen by a certain time. Like stop. Just stop. They're only little once and I just want to enjoy these kids while I have them. Obviously I too want certain things to happen, I would love to wake up to Ryker and Skyler being out of diapers and I would love for Brooke to be passed the stage where she wants to sleep with me. But at the end of the day I remember that I'll miss all of these moments when they're older. I already miss so much that Brooke used to do, the way she used to say "ducky" instead of "yucky" or how she would pick out all the marshmallows of her lucky charms and just eat the cereal part or even the high pitched screaming that would occur when she accidentally fed the dog a carrot that she wanted to feed him. Their little quirks are all so adorable to me and I couldn't imagine just skipping over these stages. There's no manual for kids so there's no proof that all kids need to hit milestones by a certain time. Kids are kids, they throw fits, they get upset when they don't get their way, they make huge messes, they make mistakes. My job as a mom is to teach them how to deal with things instead of throwing fits, that they don't always get their way, and that messes are okay if you clean up when you're done. This isn't something I expect from my kids the moment they're born or in many of my kids cases being adopted into our family, these are all learned traits and I will take as much time as possible to make them learn those lessons. For now however, I'm going to let them be little.

Have I failed my child?

The pediatrician and I agreed it was time to start working on Ryker's muscle tone as well as speech and pretty much everything else that we feel isn't up to par. So today we had someone come over to our house and evaluate his progress, she and I both said it was best to get him some extra help twice a week. Even though I know this is for the best and he needs this I still feel like I should be able to help my own son. I personally went through the same program that he is so I know that it's not because the parents are lazy, but I think I understand a little bit of how my parents felt. It's kind of a slap in the face because it's literally telling you your child is behind and there's nothing you personally can do about it. Regardless of how I feel however, I am glad that she agreed that we needed to start sooner rather than later. I also commented on how he's hitting milestones after Skyler who is 11 months old, she pointed out something I haven't thought of. Despite the fact he is technically 16 months old he hasn't had all the love and care that Skyler has making him developmentally probably around the same age or even younger. I never thought of it that way and she's right, from the moment Skyler was born Jason and myself as well as our kids have doted on her and taught her everything we could Ryker however has only had that for about three months. People might not think it's true, but loving your kid actually makes a huge difference in the progress they make and I'm glad Ryker has Skyler by his side for this and I'm glad the therapist agreed that Skyler could take the classes too just so Ryker felt a little better. This adoption has been anything but easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know we're getting him the help he needs and I'm so glad that we are. Hopefully by this time next year Ryker is up to speed and maybe even hitting milestones before Skyler-I can dream right?!

Adoption-Health issues in your adopted child

Regardless of where you adopted your child from or how old they are I think one of the most important things to do when you get them is to take them to the doctors. This is so important and I can not stress it enough, I don't care if you think the child looks healthy and the system says they're healthy there still be an underlying issue that was missed or just overlooked completely. With Ryker one of the things we've had checked a few times now is his hearing. While he was in foster care we were told he doesn't respond to his name, one of the reasons we were able to change it, and rarely made eye contact while being talked to. After telling the pediatrician these things he agreed we should do a hearing test and several other tests just to make sure he's ok. We didn't find anything, thank God, but I am beyond glad we took the time to check from the very beginning instead of waiting until an issue appeared. Another reason I highly suggest taking them to the doctor as soon as possible is for shots, we were given his records and the boy had never received a shot in his life so shots were needed. Even though the pediatrician said everything was fine, he also told us that he may have suffered from neglect because he was showing some of the signs the main one being failure to thrive so we needed to take action as soon as possible to get everything where it needs to be. Reversing the effects of neglect takes a long time and sometimes isn't even possible so hearing that was devastating, but I was glad we knew what we had to do as parents. I'm hoping with time all of his issues will get a little bit better, but either way I am beyond happy to have this little chunky monkey in my life and I couldn't imagine life without him. He literally is one of the best things to ever happen to me, despite how hard his transition has been and I can't wait to see what he does with life.

We have a new family member!

We have some very exciting news! We have a brand new family member who was just born, yup you read that right. We're getting a puppy! Sorry, I had to. Anyway, Jason dogsat for his friend recently while his friend drove to pick up a dog who found abandoned and pregnant. I guess Jason should be a professional dog sitter because his friend felt like he did so well at it that he deserved a puppy. Okay, maybe that wasn't his exact thinking he knew we wanted a puppy but couldn't afford to just straight up buy one. So long story short we're adding a puppy to our crazy bunch, yes I know it's a lot to handle we now have 9 kids, a dog, and who knows what other animals we'll add into the mix as time goes by. As you can imagine the kids are pumped, they've already picked out too possible names for the dog-one for a boy and one for a girl since we haven't decided which we want. I have a mix of emotions, I am excited don't get me wrong, but I'm also nervous. I haven't owned a puppy since I was eight and I didn't train him my parents did! I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but I really want my kids to have these memories that dogs bring. So, wish us luck as we learn all about dog training and what the heck a Bagle Hound dog is like!

Adoption:Bonding with your child

I figured I'd keep the adoption conversation going since we had a pretty positive response from the last post. Like I mentioned in the previous post we have had a hard time bonding with Ryker. It's not because we don't love him, I will stress that point until the day I die. We love him dearly and we love him just as much as all our other kids, it was just a rough start. Let's go back to the very first day we had him, it was just Jason and I, we chose to pick him up on a day where all of our other kids were at school and arranged to have my sister pick them up instead of us. We were hoping that this would give the three of us some good bonding time since we had a three hour drive home, it didn't work quite the way we planned. He screamed the entire way home and only stopped once to eat something. The only time he was happy was when we were feeding him. Once we got home we sat with him and got him some food and put Paw Patrol on, we were told he loved it, he was fine once that was on and sat on the couch happily. However if Jason or I tried to sit by him he would scream his head off. We decided not to push the issue and just let him warm up to us on his own time. When the kids got home we told them to give him some space and they did well with that, the boys played in the same room as him with some cars to see if he would warm up to them-it was a no go. Over the next few weeks I devoted my life to just bonding with him, I got every Paw Patrol book I could find and picked up a few toys. I quickly realized who his favorite character was and once I presented a Rubble toy to him I was good. He came for the toy and allowed me to hold him. He actually fell asleep while I was holding him that day. I'm not saying you have to bribe your adopted child, but I am saying showing them that you take interest in what they like shows that you care about them, that's what he needed to know. Since bringing him home he has warmed up to us a lot, he still doesn't just run up to us like our other kids to the moment we get home, but he will cuddle and play with us now. Those two things are huge steps and I couldn't be happier about them. I know with time he'll feel 100% comfortable in this family and I can't wait for that day, but I also realize his point of view and I am willing to give him as much time as he needs.

It's kind of like kidnapping

It's been over four months since we brought home Ryker. Despite the fact he has started to finally warm up to us we still have a long way to go. I have been wondering for so long why he just hasn't started warming up to us sooner and it finally makes sense now that someone has explained it to me perfectly. Adoption is a little like kidnapping, now you have to stay with me before getting mad. Just think about it, Ryker didn't know us at all when we went to pick him up. We were strangers and we picked him up and he was crying and screaming and we were the ones holding him, two people he didn't know at all. The whole way home he was miserable and looking back I feel so bad for him. Jason and I knew that everything was going to be ok, we knew that we loved him, but this poor baby boy was only one year old and didn't know what was going to happen to him. His entire life was uprooted and he was being brought to a place he had no knowledge about. I couldn't even imagine being a kid in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I am very pro adoption- CLEARLY- but I am now a lot more sensitive to the situation, people kept telling me my son should be warmed up to us by now but I think he's just now realizing that we're good people and not going to hurt him. I don't blame him for taking so long to warm up to us, Jason and I knew we wanted him and promised to love him. We knew that it would be hard, having adopted Hunter and Callie, but they knew what was going on more than Ryker did. Adoption is a sensitive thing and affects all kids differently, it's kind of like giving birth in that way, you can have 19 kids and I guarantee all 19 births will be different. The same applies for adoption some, like Callie or Hunter, will respond perfectly being four years old and understanding we're going to take care of them. While others, like Ryker, respond exactly like my friend explained adoption-like they've been kidnapped. I hope and pray that as Ryker looks back on his life he doesn't see his adoption as a bad thing, this is something we wanted so badly and are extremely blessed for the situation we were put in to be given the gift of adopting him and I owe so much to his parents for allowing me to adopt him. So Ryker, if you read this one day I'm sorry for uprooting you and making you confused, but just know we all love you and you're going to do great things.

What is a real family?!

Every time I attempt to explain my family tree I get asked, "Okay, so who is your real family?". It baffles my mind, the people I explain in my family tree are in fact my real family. People have started asking my kids the same question, which of the kids are actually siblings and honestly it's one of the most annoying things a blended family can be asked. Our kids realize that not everyone will be understanding of a blended family and ask questions that sometimes annoy them and I have been there too. One of our kids, Hunter, was recently asked if Brooke was his real sister he said"Yes." and then they were confused because they don't have the same last name. I'm not sure when a last name became the defying trait for a family, but apparently it is. Hunter was extremely upset when he was informed Brooke isn't his real sister he and Brooke have been siblings since they were two. In my opinion there's more that makes them a family than blood. They grew up together, they learned to ride bikes together, swim, read, write, and so much more. They've made memories together and realize what makes a family. There's an amazing show I watch called "The Fosters" -I know shocker the person with a transgender kid and a blended family who is pro adoption watches a show like this, not the point though. In the show there is a quote that I often tell to people when they question our family tree and I'm honestly about to get it engraved on something and put it up in our house so the kids can remember it: "DNA doesn't make a family. Love does." I just wish more people thought this way, but please even if you don't share our views on what defines a family don't tell my four year old his sister isn't his sister.

Is it summer yet?!

I feel like I'm looking forward to summer more than my kids are. I might sound like a lazy parent when I say this, but I really just want to relax which won't necessarily happen due to the fact all the kids are in sports, but at least we can spend more time together. Jason and I both work full time jobs and every moment we get to spend with the kids is precious to us even if it's just sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal it's an awesome time to be with our kids. Obviously I see the importance of school, they have to learn and they need to socialize I am in no way saying school isn't important I'm just saying mom needs like a week of no alarm clock days. Mom is tired is what I'm getting at here. I know almost every mom reading this will agree school takes a lot out of all of us. Even though it's only 40 degrees and supposed to snow tomorrow where we live I can't wait till summer. Sleeping passed 6am sounds like the most amazing and perfect thing in the world right about now, maybe it's because I'm allergic to spring and can't function without Benadryl and I'm super tired, but either way summer needs to get here NOW!

Dealing with speech delays

Sometimes I feel like our family gets given everything and not necessarily in a good way. On top of everything that's already going on we now have Ryker's speech delays to deal with. I think this is something that we should have been prepared for but for some reason it was thrown in the back of our mind. That is until the pediatrician commented on the fact my child wasn't saying much besides "ca" for car and "da" for dad. We were thinking maybe he wasn't able to hear very well, but once we had his hearing tested and that came back fine(thank you God!) we decided it was time to tackle this issue. We're trying to choose what our next step is going to be, but until we hear back from the speech therapist we're trying to work on it at home. It's hard though, out of all the issues my kids have this is the one that seems to be the hardest for me to deal with. Brooke was never a kid who needed help speaking, aside from a couple words, she basically came out saying full sentences and talking up a storm so it's hard to figure how to get a kid to talk. I thought back to all the things I did with her and every single thing was the same that I am doing with Ryker. Except for one thing, she had people talking to her from the moment she was born. She was constantly read to, sang to, and just heard conversations all the time. Ryker didn't have that for his first year of life which is probably the most important time to have all those things, that's when they start mimicking everything and start making words be words. I'm hoping and praying that with the attention we're going to be giving him and the extra reading and singing will encourage him to try to mimic the words were saying. Wish us luck!

Twin Bond

When all of the stuff with Callie happened my first reaction was"How do we explain this to Hunter?". He is after all her twin brother and probably her biggest protector, but he also has Aspergers and doesn't normally respond well to change. When we talked to the kids we made sure to watch his face and see if he was doing any of his little "ticks" that he tends to do before exploding. Nothing happened, he just sat there in silence and didn't say a word. After all the kids went to play we talked to Hunter alone and he said he was okay because "Noah was always a girl". That was the moment we realized our little man understood it better than most adults, probably because of his Aspergers, he knew that nothing was changing in the end and recognized that. We thought everything was going fine until school started. The preschool teacher had a very difficult time realizing Callie is in fact a girl and often made her play on the boys' team. That didn't set well with Hunter, he flipped out. He told the teacher off-probably my fault I told him to protect his sister and always stand up for her-and the teacher handled it terribly. Hunter isn't one of those kids who you can just put in time out and all is good in the world, he hasn't learned how to comprehend what is going on, we're working on that now, but for a situation like the one with his teacher he really didn't think he did anything wrong, he was just listening to what I had told him. As much I wanted to yell at my son for being rude to his teacher, I couldn't. I was a bad parent, I sided with my son on this one. This was simply just a loving brother with a huge twin bond with his sister. Their bond is honestly one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. Hunter has told us many times that if anyone ever hurts Callie he's going to kick their butts and apparently it's the truth. I am so grateful to know that my little girl has someone like her brother to protect her and have her back no matter what's going on in life. I can't wait to see what these two little ones do as they get older because I can already tell it's going to be awesome.

Spring has sprung!

It's finally starting to look nice where we live. That means I can finally start cleaning, yes I can't clean in the winter it's too cold to function where we live! We've been going through all of the kids clothes, toys, and everything else. It's so hard when you have this many kids and are trying to organize your life AND start a new job. I'm not sure why I'm doing this to myself, but I'm currently bribing my kids to be good while we adjust to this new change. Yup, I admit it I bribe my kids. They're not getting bribed with anything super fancy, literally I told them they could pick a movie or video game from the library they're just easy. Anyway, I'm super excited the weather is nice even if it means my kids sports are in full force, this is the time I have been waiting for. The moment it started getting nice my kids broke out their skates, bikes, and chalk and were ready to go outside for hours. How could you not be excited when you have nine little ones begging to go outside and play? Most of my memories were made with the neighbors playing outside during the spring and into the summer and I can't wait for my kids to start making these memories. I am hoping though they remember to do their chores while making those memories because despite what they seem to think chores need to happen all the time even on holidays and even during the summer-they think they only happen when school is in session kids are funny like that. So here's to good weather, cleaning, and making memories!