Goodbye 2016!

I can't believe this is my last 2016 post, it's been one crazy year. This year started pretty well for our family, we adopted our little man, Ryker. I honestly couldn't imagine our life without him now that he is in our life. It's honestly like we were meant to be from day one, he is the perfect addition to our family. He has kept me sane during this crazy year, in April my life was pretty much flipped upside down. My grandma passed away and honestly it was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, yes she was old and sick, but that doesn't change the fact I lost my grandma. Losing her changed my life and I am so thankful I had her for so many years. Easter will never be the same, it was the last holiday I had the chance to spend with her. I seriously drove three hours to be with my grandma because something in me was telling me I needed to be there. I'm so glad I listened to that little voice and went down to see her, she may not have remembered who I was, but just seeing her and having the chance to tell her I love her was worth it. She will never know how much she meant to me. My kids have been my rocks this year, they have seen me cry in the middle of the sidewalk(literally!) and have been tough as nails all year. I can't wait till 2017 and hope they don't have to comfort me so much. This upcoming year I want to be a better mom for these kids, this passed year has shown me that kids need their moms no matter how old and I want my kids to have tons of memories to talk about at my funeral. I know that sounds morbid and selfish, but it's not really the point. The memories we make will live with them much longer than anything I could physically give them. They deserve so much more than I have been able to give them in 2016 and 2017 will be a better year! So, goodbye 2016-we won't miss you! PS-happy one year anniversary to the blog world! we posted our first post one year ago TODAY!

After Christmas Chaos!

Well, Christmas has come and gone. Now it's time to start cleaning up our mess from Christmas, yes it's the 28th and our house is still a mess from the gifts we opened on Saturday morning. Judge me. Jason and I have been beyond exhausted all week, he has a cold and I'm just tired from working so much. We haven't had time to make them put away their toys and yesterday when they tried to put them away we realized the organizer we had just wasn't big enough for all the junk we had. Despite getting rid of a lot before moving and right before Christmas, it still wasn't cutting it. This is what happens when you have nine kids, they each get presents from all the grandparents, Santa, aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course their parents! It adds up fast! So yesterday before dinner, we went out and bought a new organizer that is still sitting in the box downstairs because I slept in and had to work super fast to get everything I needed done, hopefully after lunch I can at least attempt to build it. My kids won't be very happy once it's built, they're going to have to clean every single toy up and make my living room look like a living room again! I am so thankful we have enough money to provide for our kids and to have this beautiful house, but right now I'm a little overwhelmed. Luckily, little to our kids knowledge, the New Years resolution we're making as a family is to spend less, which includes less on toys! Sorry kids! Wish us luck on that on, because Jason and I are known for buying things randomly.

It's never coming down!

No matter what time of the year you walk into our house, you will see a fully stocked Christmas stocking. It was hanging in our old apartment and was moved, by hand by a family member to our new house(I didn't trust the movers). People might think it's crazy, but it's a sentimental thing. That was my nephew's last Christmas stocking, he never got to open it. Santa didn't know that he was going to pass away and brought it just a week before he passed. My nephew passed away from cancer, it's a very serious thing and this stocking is a reminder that life is short. It reminds us to treat every single day like our last. Prior to the few days leading up to him passing, we thought he was going to be coming home. He was doing better, he was shooting the nurses with Nerf guns, he was playing with his siblings, he was being a little boy. There were no warning signs and according to the grief councilor we see, that is normal. It's normal for things to be super good before becoming super bad. It's sad that this disease finds it funny to mess with peoples' emotions like that, to get our hopes up so high and then just rip them to shreds. There's no other way to put it other than it sucks. It sucks to lose someone you loved more than life itself, to lose someone so young, and to think everything was going to be ok for even a short amount of time. If there's one thing his passing taught me, it's to enjoy these moments. He loved everything about life, especially the holidays. His Christmas tree is still up in his room decorated how he wanted it, in the middle of July, and his Halloween costumes are hanging up in his closet. Every holiday has become a way of remembering him and this one is the same way, we will never forget our little man and we will do all we can to celebrate life and to make it worth living because that's what he would do. We love you buddy and we hope your Christmas in Heaven is amazing.

We are so lucky

Jason and I recently helped a friend move into his first apartment. This friend has been homeless for five years, all he had were the clothes on his back and a handful of things we had given him. He moved into an empty apartment without anything of his own, but he was so happy to have a place for himself and his son. As I was helping them with everything his son was growing more and more excited for Christmas. He kept telling me that he finally had a place for Santa to come and even had a tree for him to leave presents under. The tree he was referring to actually is a big part of what made me realize how lucky I am. This tree, is about four feet tall-if that- and has next to no ornaments on it. Despite it's pitiful look, this little boy is so happy to have an actual tree for once. To see the excitement on this little guys face when he talked about this tree made me realize how good I have it. I realized at that moment that we don't need the biggest and the best, we don't need all the shiny new gadgets, we literally just need each other. I know it sounds super cheesy and stupid, but it's the truth. I am so grateful for all the things we have and I'm so glad I got to witness this awesome moment in my friend's life. We are truly blessed and I hope he continues to get all these blessings and has all the happiness in the world.

There's so many toys!

Having nine kids means nine times the amount of toys normal kids have, actually to be honest some only children have more toys than our kids but that's not the point! We have nine birthdays, nine Christmas stockings, nine EVERYTHING! Before we moved I purged so many toys, after we moved I did the same thing. We donated probably around ten bags worth of toys and clothes, but I still feel overwhelmed with the amount of toys we have. Sometimes I just want to be a minimalist and get rid of everything other than their most prized possessions, I just don't understand how some people who have way less kids can justify spending twice as much as we do on toys and such. I feel like I need someone to start shopping with me and hitting me every time I buy toys, just a little slap on the wrist to remind me our kids are fine. They don't need toys, they literally have more than enough of everything they need. As I was watching the news recently they were talking about how the Toys for Tots in my area needs donations, badly. They are more than 1,000 toys away from their goal and it made me think how lucky we are. How amazingly blessed we are to provide for our kids and meet their needs and wants. I'm hoping next Christmas we can help with Toys for Tots even more and can do better at not going overboard, I need to work on that one!

Christmas shopping for nine kids!

I have no idea how we did it, but we ended up finishing Christmas shopping for all nine(plus our friends son) for under $1,000 in all. It honestly looks like we spent A LOT more, the gifts are overflowing and it's kind of been crazy trying to wrap them all and making sure they were all evenly bought for. Pretty much the moment January hits we start shopping for birthdays and Easter because we have five million kids. It's kind of funny to be buying our kids in August their birthday gifts that early, but when we find a good deal we tend to eat it up. After August we normally start Christmas shopping, literally the moment Estella's birthday is over we go and get our list for Christmas. It helps that around this time Toys R Us starts their free layaway so were able to get pretty much everything we need. Once we start buying for Christmas we keep probably the most detailed list in the world, I put what we bought, how much it cost, have a section for each kid, and I keep it even! We spend the same amount on each kid and try really hard to make all the piles the same size. I will admit this year, Skyler's pile is a little smaller than the others, but she hasn't really grasped opening gifts yet and she tends to steal other peoples' presents anyway so her's is smaller. We make sure every single thing is accounted for and that we didn't spend too much money. One of the major ways we have saved money of Christmas shopping was by shopping used, there is no need for us to spend tons of money on a toy that they're going to beat up or possibly not even play with much. There have been so many times we have found almost new toys at a thrift store for more than half the price, our kids totally get that they can't have all new things and we love that. Hopefully I can make it another week without buying anything else, then I can honestly say we didn't go overboard this year! Merry Christmas everyone!

Blending traditions

It's crazy to think this is our second Christmas as a blended family. Last year was a pretty interesting one, mainly because we all got food poising from something we ate and ended up puking all Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. It really was a fun time, but putting that aside we started a few Christmas traditions we really loved. Of course we did keep some that Jason and I had as children, but it was kind of hard blending all of them. I never really realized how many traditions my family had even the little things that may seem stupid to other people, like needing to have spaghetti for dinner on Christmas Eve or getting pajamas for our first gift every year. It was those little things that made us question, what traditions should we keep? Since Jason is Italian he had no issue eating spaghetti for dinner, however for the first gift we kind of butted heads. Jason's birthday is Christmas day, his family has always gone above and beyond with making sure it was HIS day. This included opening gifts(all of them!) on Christmas Eve. Last year we did it that way and we'll be doing it that way again this year since I have to work, but I will get my way one year! We decided to ditch most of our old traditions and start mostly new ones, except the major traditions like leaving Santa cookies and getting a new ornament every year. However we do have a bit of a spin on all of the traditions we have since we have five million kids. Growing up my brother and I each left a cookie for Santa, well Santa can't eat ten cookies at once. This is why we decided to leave Santa some other things as well. In our house he kind of gets spoiled, he gets a full meal and chap-stick(because it's cold and his lips get chapped!). It's adorable watching them decided what Santa should eat that day and hearing them talk about what book and movie he will be bringing them. Our kids know our traditions and they also know we're still figuring out our traditions! So they put up with our craziness, hopefully next year we have our traditions locked in and we can actually classify them as "traditions". Do you guys have any fun traditions? Let us know, maybe we'll adopt them!

Keeping Christ in Christmas

I can't believe Christmas will be here in less than two weeks! I feel like it was just Thanksgiving, I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared for this. Christmas is such a magical time of the year, it's also the time of the year I find myself trying to help anyone we can. This year however was even more exciting, we decided to get our kids involved. We wanted to make sure that they were very well aware that Christmas isn't about them and what they want. We wanted them to know the true meaning of Christmas. First we made sure to tell them WHY we have this holiday, we went over the birth of Jesus and talk about how he gave so much for us and we should give to honor him. We got them as involved as possible and had them choose what we did this year and I'm beyond proud of all the ways they have chose to give. There's something really awesome about teaching your kids to give, it's a really cool feeling. I love the fact our kids have started praying for the kids they're buying gifts for, the prayer they said over the baby items we bought for a newborn baby off the Angel Tree really made my heart grow five sizes. The amount of pride I have for my children right now can't even be described with words. They realize that Christmas isn't about them and it's about something so much more, I hope they continue to be giving and caring and always, keep the Christ in Christmas.

Do we do Santa?

I'm not sure why this is such a popular question we get, but we get it so often that I'm just making a post to get it out there. Yes, our kids believe in Santa. The follow up question we get-why?! Why do we let our kids believe that a man gives them gifts they want when we have so many kids? It's not really about the size of our family really, we just want them to have the opportunities that all the other kids their age get. This includes, Santa. I'm going to be honest, before Brooke was born her dad and I discussed telling them there was no Santa, being honest from day one. As time went on however and she started to get it, we realized she kind of came up with the Santa idea on her own. As time went on and I met Jason and our families became one, we decided to let them believe in Santa. It was something we really enjoyed as children and they weren't being harmed in it. We have told our kids many times that Santa is more of a feeling than anything else and explained he can't always bring what you want. That brings us to the next question, how do we afford it? We shop literally from January 1st until December 24th, we shop thrift stores, clearance, and use layaway. As we were looking at all the stuff we got our kids, because we apparently like going overboard, we were also wondering how we afforded it. I guess our shopping strategy is working out better than we thought because our savings account we made for Christmas still has money in it. So long story short, our kids know what Santa is about, they know the true meaning of Christmas, and we will allow them to believe until they stop and really hope that it's a long time away.

Happy birthday Ryker!

If you haven't caught on yet, Ryker and I share a birthday. I am so blessed to have such a handsome little guy to share my birthday with and couldn't imagine sharing it with anyone else. Today that little guy turns two and I honestly can't believe it. One year ago my sisters told me that our adoption for a little boy was being finalized. They surprised me with toys and clothes for him and we got everything ready for his arrival. I can't believe it's been that long already, it's been almost a year since the social worker handed me a crying scared little boy. It's been a year since he went by "Jack" and a year of realizing it's okay to let people love you. His whole life was flipped upside down a year ago and he's doing amazingly well. This little man is truly one of my favorite people, not just because he's my kid. He's funny, adorable, and never gives up. Watching him take on so many obstacles has made me realize how easy I have had it. I have had a loving family from day one, he was over one when he finally got it. It doesn't show now, but just thinking about where he would be if Jason didn't say "yes" makes me so grateful that we were blessed with our little man. I'm not sure what we would do without his adorable little face lighting up when he sees a "gawbag uck"(garbage truck) or when he finds a Paw Patrol toy. He's just so amazed by everything and it's beyond adorable. I hope he knows how much he mean to us and that he truly was meant to be in our family from day one. Ryker Lucas, thank you for being the amazing little boy you are and I can't wait to see where life takes you. Happy birthday buddy!

Happy Birthday Jess!

I'm stealing the blog from Jess for the day, she thinks I'm writing something about Christmas. Yes, I lied to my wife. Oh well, she'll live. Thursday is Jess's 22nd birthday and to me it's crazy to think that she's that old(I'm kidding babe please don't kill me) I honestly don't know how I got so lucky, she is an amazing mom to not just her kids, but mine as well and it's been that way since the moment we met. She always puts everyone before herself and never complains about how much work she has to do, even though she has every right to complain. There's something awesome about having a wife who will always call you on your crap, who will make sure you're being the best you that you can be, and will always be there for you. There's not a moment that goes by when I don't thank God for this amazing woman. Even though sometimes I want to murder her, like when she sweetly sent me a text yesterday that started with "I love you..." and I knew she did something, I overlooked the fact she signed me up for Amazon Prime and decided it was an okay thing, even though it's really expensive and we really don't use Amazon much. I just had to remind myself that she's the one who has to take care of the kids during the harder parts of the day, I seriously just make breakfast and yell at them to get dressed then come home and make dinner and get them ready for bed. She has the harder part, she does the school work, gets them to and from practices, she gets lunch for them, makes sure they don't kill each other. I honestly would never be able to do what she does and I am so freaking lucky to have her. So, Jess, happy 22nd birthday. I love you and I'm beyond grateful for you.

Where have we been?!

Well a good hello! I feel like it's been ages since I last posted, probably because it has. We have had a pretty hectic last week and a half. I somehow managed to get an infected ingrown toe nail, the infection decided to spread to my blood stream and I've just been feeling super crummy lately. I am seriously writing this from the ER, where we are again trying for another antibiotic. Yup, it's been a fun time for us! I am really hoping this is a quick trip and they figure it out and send us on our way. I really honestly don't have time to be sick, my son turns two on Thursday and I am determined to throw an awesome birthday party this weekend. On a happier note, we are officially done Christmas shopping, by that I mean we have more than enough purchased, but I seem to keep finding more to buy. Oh Christmas time, what would retail do without people like myself who love spoiling their kids? Anyway, I'm hoping this crummy start to the month means that it can only get better from here! Wish us luck as we continue this fun little adventure with my toe drama! Love you guys!

We're grateful for you!

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was amazing and filled with friends and family. We had a relaxing day as a family and loved it. We also got our Christmas shopping done! So beyond exciting, now back to the point. I wanted to say how beyond grateful we are for all of you guys. You have all been rocks for us the passed year and I'm so glad we have this blog as an outlet for everything going on. It has brought us so many friends, I can't began to think of what our life would be like without this blog. I have had people thank us for sharing our story and it makes me so happy that our little family blog has helped people. I seriously can't think of enough words to express how much we love you guys, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support. I really hope you all continue to support us as we go through so much more on this crazy little thing called life. Here's to a new month and even more adventures :) Happy Holidays Love, The Butler Bunch

Thanksgiving Break!

We are finally on Thanksgiving break, because you know homeschooling is super difficult. The kids are so happy to be on a break, they definitely deserve it they have blown through so much of their school books that it's crazy. They we're ready for this and so was I, I need a little bit of time to get lesson plans done and get ready for Christmas. This next week will be so relaxing and the fact we only have two kids with us for a bit helps with that. That's one sad thing about having a blended family, sometimes our holidays aren't spent together and it's really upsetting. Our kids are troopers though, they understand sometimes their brothers and sisters have to go spend time with their other family members, but I know at the same time it hurts them. Brooke sees them go with their mom's parents and normally asks why she can't go. It's hard to explain to her that those people aren't related to her just her siblings, oh the joys of being a blended family. Now that I ranted a little, back to what we're doing over our break. Brooke has a gymnastics Thanksgiving party tomorrow so we're definitely looking forward to spending time with our awesome gym family. I work on Thanksgiving, as always, so Brooke, Jason, Ryker, and I are going to have a little lunch version just so we can say we did it. Then of course, Jason and I are being mature responsible parents and going Black Friday shopping. This week is going to be a pretty busy break, but I'm excited to spend time with our kiddos. I hope you all have a very happy, safe, amazing, and any other adjective you can come up with-Thanksgiving!

The Spirit of Giving

The closer we get to Christmas the more excited I get about it! It's not even just about the toys and all that jazz, it's about the spirit of Christ. I know, I sound cheesy. It's the truth though, our kids love giving and so do we. We just dropped off our Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes and finished shopping for our Angel Tree Child. It was a really fun experience to watch our kids think of what kinds of things they wanted to buy for someone else. We packed shoe boxes for a little boy and one for a little girl, both around our kids age. They had so much fun picking out Hello Kitty things and cars, they also put in TONS of school supplies, something I know they need out there. I really couldn't be more proud of them, but they keep shocking me by using their own allowance to buy various things for other people. I am so glad they realize that Christmas isn't about toys and getting the most. It's really and truly about giving. They keep asking what else they can do for others and it's amazing, and kind of exhausting to be honest. I hope this keeps up through out the year and not just for the Christmas season which seems to happen so often with other people. They should remember, people need our help all year round and it's our job as Christians to do the right and help them as much as we possibly can. These lessons are so important to everyone, but especially children. They are after all our future and I want our future to be filled with people who care about others.

A low carb Thanksgiving?!

Thanksgiving is coming up very shortly and our family is beyond excited. We love food so this holiday is perfect for us, however with having a diabetic child it has taught me food isn't easy. When you're diabetic you read labels on everything, you have to do fast but accurate math and be sure that you're doing it all correctly. If you have diabetic in the family or you are diabetic you know exactly what I'm talking about. There are days when I got about two hours of sleep and have to do multiplication problems in my head and it's not fun. Brooke has even made comments about eating low carb food making our meals a lot easier! So, that's exactly what we have begun doing. Thanksgiving however, seems like it will be a lot harder. I mean who wants to count carbs on Thanksgiving? The greatness of Thanksgiving is no one really judges how much you eat, but sadly this is our new "normal". We already decided mashed potatoes would be mashed cauliflower instead, turkey isn't a huge deal, it's really the stuffing that we're super worried about. Brooke loves stuffing-who doesn't?! We have yet to find a stuffing recipe that actually sounds good that doesn't have too many carbs in it. Diabetes is a very stressful disease and I kind of hate it. I'm really hoping they find a cure for this soon, because I don't like the fact my five year old is getting so good at math! In all seriousness though, I really hope all our "dia-buddies" have an awesome low carb Thanksgiving without any high or lows!

They're going to be Butlers!

For the passed three years I have been beyond involved with taking care of Hunter, Callie, and Skyler. Their grandma has full custody, but allows Jason and I to take primary care of them. She told me once I got married, if the man was willing to, we could adopt them. I am beyond happy to announce, we are taking the first steps to adopting these three! Part of Callie's anxiety with the Trump situation is that he will make her go by her legal name, which is Noah, so we really wanted to get this ball rolling to ease her worries-no I don't think Trump will do that but I want to help my kid! We haven't told them yet, because we want to be a little further a long in the process first, but we are beyond excited to move forward. Our kids have considered each other siblings for almost two years now so it's an amazing thing to finally be a "real" family. We're going to be telling them in a pretty creative way if I can figure out a really out there way, I want them to know this is a big deal for the entire family. We are ready for our entire family to be part of "The Butler Bunch" and hope you guys will continue to support us during this awesome journey.

Ryker's Adoption

It's crazy to think a year ago a social worker called and asked if we had room in our house for one more. After praying about it, Jason and I said yes! That was the beginning of a beautiful adoption process for our little man, Ryker. His adoption was pretty stress and drama free-something we aren't used to considering the adoption of three of our kids is still going on two years later. Since it was a family adoption it made things a lot easier. It was beyond exciting to share the news with everyone even though some people weren't as happy as we were, regardless our entire family was excited to add him to our family. The hard thing about adopting an one year old is you don't really know what they need. With Skyler being a newborn when we got her we knew she needed bottles, newborn sized clothes, and some baby toys. With Ryker it was us attempting to remember what we used when our kids were one. We honestly just waited until after our adoption to buy most of the things. Which by the way, I don't really suggest that unless you are like us and have no problem with doing it all online at an ungodly hour. It was a pretty hectic time trying to get him everything he needed on top of making sure our other eight children were okay, but somehow we managed. I still can't believe it's been a year, I can't believe he'll be two soon and that he's made amazing strides. When we first adopted him he couldn't even do things that Skyler could do(Skyler was eight months old) and he was developmentally around six months old. He is now able to walk and say some words very clearly-car being his most clear word. He's smiling more and eating better, I can't believe this is the same kid. I am beyond grateful to God for helping us through this passed year because I know without him we wouldn't have made it nearly as well. I am hoping that he continues to make such amazing strides in the future and does amazing things with his life. We love you buddy and we're beyond happy to have you in our lives.

He hates me doesn't he?

I just got out of the doctors with my daughter who is now on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication, she's five. She woke up today and asked us if she had to become a boy again, something she has feared for the last few months. We sat her and the rest of our kids down and decided to have a serious conversation. We talked about what Trump plans on doing and how we as Americans can help. We told them they should respect him and pray for him despite how they feel about him. We said a prayer for our new president and thought all was good. The kids were doing their normal routines of getting ready for school, I could hear them fighting over basic things as usual. Nothing seemed wrong until Hunter came running down the steps to tell us Callie locked herself in the bathroom. Jason ran up and told her to open the door she refused and he heard her crying so he forced the door open. There she was, razor in hand ready to do it. Safe to say Jason took that sucker away and brought her downstairs. It's crazy, that this election came to this. It came down to a five year old trying to kill herself. This is now becoming a super personal matter. So this is to you Mr. President, I will vow to respect you if and only if you promise me that you will take care of my daughter and all the people like her. Make the promise that you will allow my little girl to be a little girl. That you will allow her to wear pink frilly dresses and allow her to dance and be herself. I want you to promise me that I will never have to send my daughter to conversion therapy, something I know you support. I want you to promise me that you will "Make America Great Again" not just for the privileged white people, but for every single American regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion. If you can promise me these things I will support you and I will be the best American citizen I can be.

Diabetes Awareness

Diabetes Awareness Month is a pretty big deal in our house, my daughter Brooke was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes over a year ago. Though we've had over a year to adjust to our new "normal". I'm going to be honest, prior to her diagnosis I had very little idea of what diabetes really was and didn't know what symptoms to expect. I expected her to get super sick or something that screamed"Blood sugar issues!". Instead it just looked like the flu to me, she truly just looked like she'd bounce back. Then she had a seizure, this isn't something normal that my kids do(obviously) so naturally I freaked out and we rushed her to the ER. She was then diagnosed and they planned to send us home until I threw a fit and said I couldn't do it on my own! So she was admitted for 24 hours so they could teach me how to feed my four year old. It was a lot to take in, there were so many medical terms that I didn't understand and still barely understand. What I did understand though, is how differently I'd look at food. I used to just eat freely, never read labels except to see if it was gluten free or not, and we just ate until we were full. Now we read labels and see how much of everything is in there. I get mad when Jason throws away the cereal box before I get to write down everything and I've seriously dug labels out of the trash to make sure I adjust everything accordingly. Brooke has learned how to measure out cups of food and how to portion things out. No child should have to live like this, she shouldn't have to be so worried all the time, but sadly she has to be. This is a disease that won't go away until we find a cure and it sucks. This kid and many others like her have to take at least four shots a day, sometimes more and then finger pricks as well. When she was first diagnosed she would cry and scream about these things. Now she just sits there and cries silently. She still has moments when she tries to get out of it, but she realizes she needs this. I pray for the day that Brooke and kids like her don't have to prick their fingers and can eat whatever they please whenever they would like.

It's a big month for us!

November is apparently a very important month in our family. Despite the fact no one in our family has birthdays this month it's still super busy and hectic. For starters, it's like every awareness month you can imagine. It's diabetes awareness month, transgender awareness month, and adoption awareness month. That's pretty much all of our kids. So naturally, this means all of our blog posts will be about these various awesome things. I'm pretty pumped about all the possibilities with writing. This month we'll cover Brooke's diagnosis with diabetes, Callie's current struggles with being transgender, and of course our favorite topic-adoption. We have some awesome news actually regarding adoption within our family. This is the most exciting time of the year and I'm so excited to share it with all of you guys. I hope you're ready for some reading because there will be a lot to do this month. Enjoy!

Why isn't it gluten free?!

With the holidays coming up our kids are asking for tons of different things, but know that Santa can only bring two gifts per kid, so they have to narrow down their lists rather well. Brooke has been sticking with the same things for the entire year, she just really wants an Easy Bake Oven and the boy from the Descendants movie(Belle and the Beasts' son). It seems like a very easy list, until you realize she has Celiac's Disease and can't eat anything that she can make in her Easy Bake Oven. It's kind of frustrating, I remember getting one for Easter from my grandma and playing with it for hours. There's actually a picture of my grandma and me using it and I look extremely serious about whatever I was making. It's a memory I will always hold with me and I want my daughter to be able to experience these moments as well. I'm beyond certain that my daughter is not the only child who wants to make some food with this awesome toy, but sadly can't because of allergies. It's just shocking to me with as many things that are becoming gluten free there aren't any gluten free options for the Easy Bake Oven, they could make so much more money if they had it. I guarantee that other parents in my situation would be more than happy to get their kids a gluten free oven, even if it's a little bit more than the "normal" stuff. Parents will do almost anything to make their kids happy and I really wish I could do this for her, especially since she really wants this one thing for Christmas! Please, Easy Bake Oven hear my plea and get this on the shelf before Christmas, I will buy two of them just to prove my point!

Happy Halloween!

The day has finally come, Halloween. It's a really weird Halloween this year, we didn't even carve pumpkins! But, our kids are still dressed up as are we. We had really fun plans for Halloween we even had a theme picked out for our entire family. It was really corny, we were going to be the Once Upon a Time characters. Jason and I had planned on being Emma Swan and Captain Hook, but due to time and a sudden injury we had to nix that idea and I went with Batman and he is Catwoman, yup you read that right. I had a Batman costume from high school that still fits me and he jokingly said "What so I have to be Catwoman?!" and I loved the idea! Our kids were pretty pumped about our plans failing because that allowed them to pick almost anything, Zayden really wanted to be Rumpelstilskin but that didn't seem to exist. It was really fun seeing their faces picking out their costumes and hearing them try to convince their siblings into group costumes. It seemed to work for the boys, Zayden had chosen to be Hans Solo and Tyson instantly knew he wanted to be Kylo Ren, which worried me a little, but whatever. Hunter was set on being Darth Vader(again!) so they seem to make a very cute little group of Star Wars characters! The girls however were not feeling any kind of "group" activity and wanted to be their own things. Which was fine, until Estella said she wanted to be Mulan and Savannah piped up that she was also being a princess! It worked out though, because Estella went as the army version of Mulan.(Thank God because it was going to be World War III if they matched at all!). All in all the costume selections went over very well and everyone is extremely happy and very excited to be going to a birthday party/Halloween party tonight. I hope everyone has a very safe and Happy Halloween! Enjoy!

Adopting a family

If you are our friends on Facebook or follow us on Instagram you know we have a friend who is going through a tough time right now. With the holidays coming up Jason and I both finds ourselves thinking about him a lot. Every time I go to the store to pick up something for our kids I end up picking up something for his son to and at this point we decided we're just adopting their family. This is something I've never really done before, I've never bought stuff for people that really honestly have nothing. It's kind of odd, you go into a store and realize they literally need every single thing in that store. Where do you start? What is the most important thing to buy? It's so hard, especially when his five year old little boy asked me for raviolis for Christmas. I just honestly want to buy everything for this family, but I know that's not possible. I am just hoping that we make this holiday season amazing for them because honestly I know it's not about presents on Christmas, but I also know the excitement I get as a mom seeing my kids open gifts. The smiles on their faces always makes me so happy and I want him to have that moment too. With that being said, if anyone has any super hero stuff, small boys' clothes, small mens' clothes, or really anything you think a five year old and his dad would like we will happily pass them onto their family!

Do we push gender roles?!

No matter what you do as a parent someone is always judging you, even if it's what truly works best for your family. A big thing our family seems to get heat for is teaching gender roles. It's something I honestly don't think we do, but other people seem to believe that by allowing our children to express themselves we are pushing gender roles on them. I highly disagree. You see, by allowing our children to like whatever they want, as long as it's not hurting them or anyone else, we are showing them gender doesn't matter for these things. People seem to have issues with it when you allow your little girl, who is highly princess obsessed, to have all the princess toys she wants. I don't understand why it's an issue, but it seems to be. When we address something as "the girls" it's not because our boys can't play with it, it's because it was gifted to one of the girls. Our kids are seriously allowed free range of playing with their toys. I am not going to buy our boys dolls just to prove a point, they prefer guns and cars(Monster Trucks to be specific) and I'm not going to buy our girls things they don't want. Honestly this whole "gender specific" stuff is killing me, you can't have everyone be equal if it's a crime for girls to like girl things. I seriously pray for the day that this conversation no longer has to happen and we can just all live our lives happily and not worry so much about how other people raise their kids. I am beyond happy to say our kids are happy with their lives and how we are raising them and in the end that's really all I want.

Family comes first

This month has been extremely emotional for all of our family members, we have had some pretty bad news regarding my youngest niece. She had been in and out of the hospital for the passed few months, literally since birth, and had to travel to three different hospitals to get an answer. The diagnosis she received has shaken our family pretty badly and has been a reminder that life is way too short. With that being said, if I seem like I am distracted, I probably am. Anytime that someone in the family is sick it's not just about the one person, it effects everyone who knows them. That's one thing people seem to not realize in a family as close as ours, every single person has been effected by this news. We are going to continue to make memories with not just our kids, but our nieces and nephews as well. This blog was started to keep our family and friends updated on our family and I still intend on doing that. However, our family being close has to come first. Please keep my niece in your prayers. Thank you.

We got bit by reading bugs!

Not having internet or cable has made us pretty boring people. So boring that when people ask what we do for fun, most of us respond with "read". Yea, it's kind of funny though, our kids fight over books and are always excited when I get home from the library with a huge bag of books. I'm seriously loving their new found love for reading and I love how into it some of them get. For instance, Zayden takes his books to a whole new level. He will create Lego versions of his stories and act them out, he writes book reports about the books, and normally wants to learn more about whatever subject he just read about. His current book series is the Magic Treehouse and every single time he has to get books about the time period they traveled to. It's amazing! Their loves for reading have grown so much that Jason and I are trying to make a "reading nook" in their playroom, something we would have never thought of. I'm hoping this reading thing keeps up because I'm loving the moments of them all reading in the morning while I get ready and I love when they come running asking for help reading a word or with a book in their hand asking me to read to them. These are truly the best moments to be a mother and I'm loving every single second of it.

So. Much. Unpacking.

Working full time, having kids, and being injured makes unpacking super difficult. I think the fact none of the stuff was put in the correct rooms kind of helps with the fact we're still unpacking, regardless we're trying our hardest! We, being Jason and I, decided that we should aim to unpack for 15-20 minutes a day and so far that has made a huge difference. It's not nearly as stressful as looking at all the boxes and crying about it. So far we've unpacked most of Ryker and Skyler's things and are now working on the older kids things, which is super hard because they have a lot of things! We have most of their toys put away in the playroom, but their clothes are still sitting in boxes and bags. I'm sticking to my statement I made in an earlier blog post, next time we move I'm getting rid of everything and just starting over, at least then I can find the things I need and not have to pack or unpack. So much easier! At the rate we're going for unpacking I think we may possibly be fully moved in by New Year. The goal was to be done before Halloween, but I've come to terms with the fact that is not happening unless the fairies come and unpack for me. So, I'll settle for New Year and pretend that I'm perfectly fine with it. If you have any advice on how to unpack faster, I would greatly appreciate any and all advice.

We share too much

Having a large family during flu season is probably one of the worst things in the world. The moment one of them gets sick the whole house gets sick, it's been a few weeks now and we have just been passing the same cold around the house numerous times! It's getting a little exhausting having to buy cold medicine in bulk, but this is our life. Yesterday was probably the worst, no one wanted to wake up and do anything it was just a bunch of sleeping kids who only woke up to either throw up or tell me their noses were clogged up again. Today however, we have somewhat healthy kids with just a few coughs and sneezes every here and there. I am really hoping that this means we've reached the end of this, it seems like we've been doing this forever! Our recycling bin is filled with empty cold medicine bottles and I'm hoping no one looks in it thinking my kids are like addicted to cold medicine or that I'm like drugging them to get them to sleep or anything. This month can seriously end anytime now, I won't even be mad! I am so over kids being sick, me being sick, and just our family being no fun! Oh and on top of that we still aren't unpacked, but does that really surprise anyone?! It's going to be a long month.

Where do they all sleep?!

If you have followed our blog for any amount of time, you know we recently moved in to a four bedroom house. I know it seems super small when you have nine kids, but for us it is working perfectly fine. I do however get asked a lot of times where they all sleep because with my mom living with us there's only three rooms to split between all of them. Right now, because were still unpacking, the older kids sleep in one room on bunk beds and the youngest two sleep in another room-which will be the boys room when were done-on a toddler bed/in a pack and play. Shockingly, our kids are perfectly fine with sleeping all together it's like a big slumber party every single day. We do however plan on switching the sleeping arrangements around pretty soon, but in our opinion if the kids are okay with it's fine with us. They are still super little and none of them like sleeping alone so it's fine with us. Luckily we were gifted a twin over full bunk bed by my aunt and the top bunk can hold over 200 pounds, so my kids are perfectly safe sleeping up there. Not that I allow all nine to sleep on the top bunk, that would end super badly, but we do allow them to have two or three up there since none of them seem to toss and turn too much. I am really glad we got blessed with kids who kind of just put up with us doing things like this because if they didn't this moved would have been a lot more complicated.

No Trick or Treating?!

With Halloween approaching everyone keeps asking our kids the same question "Are you excited to Trick or Treat?!" and it kills me each time my kids look at me confused, because they have no clue what that is! See, when Jason and I began talking-just as friends at the time with no intentions on being more-we discussed everything under the sun including this very subject. We were both in agreement then that Trick or Treating was amazing and our kids needed to experience it. What changed our minds? It wasn't just a little thing, it was when we attempted to take tiny kids on this big long walk for candy and realized they were done after the first house. After that we rediscussed the subject and decided it's not for us. For starters, I am huge on controlling the amount of candy my kids get and I do a really good job at making sure there is almost none in the house. This isn't because I'm an anti sugar mom, it's because I have one child with Aspergers and another with Diabetes, neither of which needed added sugar in their diets. Don't get me wrong, we have some sugar products in our house-Oreos being our favorites! However, we decided candy just isn't a big deal to us, if our kids want candy we have no issue going to the store and buying them a bag of their favorites, since they all want Dum Dums it works out well. We keep our kids extremely busy during the Halloween season so they aren't missing out on anything major. They still dress up, we have a Halloween party with our Co-op group, Brooke's best friend's birthday is Halloween and she invited all the kids to her party, we still carve pumpkins, and do everything else that is done on Halloween-minus the Trick or Treating part. I am sure in the future I will hear arguments from my kids about why they want to go out, but for now this seems to be working for us. To everyone going out this year, stay safe and have fun! Happy Halloween!

Dealing with miscarriage

With it being pregnancy and infant loss month I find myself thinking about Nolan a lot. Everything lately seems to be reminding me of him, even though I never really knew him in the way I know my other kids I feel like I did. Our fertility doctor always warns us about getting attached, but honestly it's next to impossible not to get attached to a baby that you're carrying. Despite the warnings and him reminding us that the chance of Jason and I conceiving naturally I still got attached to the little guy, picked out his name what his nursery would like like. Everything. Everything was completely planned when we found out he was gone it killed us. There is honestly no way to describe the pain we felt, yet people seem to think because he wasn't physically here with us that it's less pain that it's easier to move on. That my friends, isn't true in the slightest a child is a child no matter how small(thanks Dr. Seuss). To anyone who has ever dealt with the loss of a child, my heart is with you. Somehow, we will all make it through this.

Eight down, one to go

This passed week and a half have been dragging on and on for what seems like an eternity. We moved, we've had numerous doctors appointments, it's officially meet season, and on top of that Skyler got potty trained. It was honestly out of the blue and not something we had even discussed so I was extremely unprepared for it. The first day of potty training boot camp went too well in my opinion, I seriously didn't think she'd stick with it so I kept her in diapers just incase she decided this wasn't for her. But no, my baby decided she's a "bid kid"(big kid) and has been doing great with almost no prompting from anyone and no major rewards aside from stickers and her siblings singing "Skyler went potty" every time. She truly is the potty MVP here! I am however shocked, we have eight potty trained and only one left in diapers who still has no interest in anything related to the potty. It's honestly bitter sweet, we're truly entering a new phase of life and I can't wait. Our trips to the store will be so much easier, no more pesky diaper bags weighing us down! Now I just have to survive this last one and we'll be good to go! That is, until Jason convinces me to have another baby. For now, I will enjoy my last two babies for as long as they let me call them babies, because this was just a reminder that they grow up way too fast.

Childhood Unplugged

As I mentioned in our last post our family is without internet and cable, something that I feared and my kids dreaded. The first day of this whole experience was a scary one, we didn't know what we were doing. We literally didn't know what to do without internet, that's how pathetic our lives have become. I informed my kids they had to learn to live "unplugged" and they seem to be doing okay now, almost a week later. They have realized that they don't need all these technology things to survive, though somethings make life a lot easier they aren't necessary. I decided to limit their screen time to one hour a day, or a movie because I'm not mean enough to make them turn a movie off in the middle of it. Since pulling the plug the fighting has diminished and our kids seem genuinely happier, I'm not saying there's a connection but it's odd that it worked that way. Mornings have also been easier, instead of seeing who can get to the iPad first and call claims on it for the day and watch things on it all day while ignoring me when I tell them to get stuff done. They are now in a routine I enjoy much more, getting up, brushing their teeth and hair, eating breakfast, and getting started on school work. It's so refreshing to not need to fight them for every little thing. I have had some people ask me how they stay busy during the day and honestly that hasn't been a problem for us, I mean we have nine kids. They all have a buddy to play with at all times and they have more than enough toys to keep them busy, their current favorites our kitchen(Skyler's), princess(Savannah), Legos(All of them!), and Barbies(The big girls'). Keeping them busy isn't the hard thing, keeping them from craving the internet is the hard thing. They have asked for Netflix multiple times and it's kind of funny, but extremely sad all at the same time. I will say though, for Christmas they're getting a video game(Disney Infinity 3.0-don't tell them) and the first few days after getting it may consist of them playing it nonstop! But, that is what Christmas is about right?! Hopefully my kids can stay alive without their Netflix until then. Now, back to having no internet! See you in a few days guys!

We're cave people!

I never realized how dependent on technology our family is. We have decided not to get internet or cable until we get everything figured out and my kids are so bored without their Netflix! It honestly makes me sad, they have a playroom overflowing with toys and a new neighborhood filled with kids(and puppies) and there's just so much fun stuff they're missing out on when they let Netflix control their lives. After realizing how dependent they are on it I decided we're not getting internet for even long, it was originally only a month, to teach them how to be kids again. I will admit, my mom, Jason, and myself are all at fault here for letting technology run our lives as well, I actually made a comment the other night that I need Netflix to fall asleep! Our family as a whole needs to get back to what is important and trust me, the numbers of likes on my latest Facebook post aren't as important as seeing my daughter do gymnastics or seeing my son play football. We're going to be living unplugged for awhile(minus the blog-I need the blog or I'll go crazy!)It is however ironic, the unplugged activities I found we're all on Pinterest, but you know that's okay what's important is we're going to make tons of new memories together and my kids won't have to think I love my smart phone more than I love them. Here's to being a cave person!

We're finally moved in!!!

After a month of attempting to move, I am beyond happy to report we have all of our stuff moved over to our new house. I would lie to you and say we're all unpacked and ready to start living, but I don't like lying to you guys. The truth is, we have a lot of unpacking to do-duh. Most of our stuff was thrown into our house by our movers randomly and it was pretty difficult the first day to figure out where everything goes. Luckily after we moved Ryker's bed out of our room, moved the homeschool bookcase out of the girls' room, and the crockpot out of the nursery we were able to figure out our lives a little bit! We have most of our kitchen unpacked, because priorities-we gotta eat! Now we just have to discover the rest of the house, little by little it is starting to feel like a home. If you follow me on Instagram I am going to apologize now about all of the posts I am going to have showing off what I'm getting done with the house. Sorry guys! This is the first time I've lived in an actual house since I was 13 and back then all I cared about was if my Zac Efron posters covered every square inch of my wall-they did! But now I am enjoying picking out things to decorate with and dropping hints about my mixer, which currently wouldn't be able to fit in my kitchen because It's still super messy and my microwave is still chilling on the floor until someone strong can move it.(Cough cough JASON). The unpacking process seems to be going a lot smoother than the packing though and I am so grateful for that. Our current goal is to be unpacked by Halloween, but Jason's bet is Christmas. I hope I'm right and not him because I can't keep looking at these boxes! Please continue to be patient with our blog posts however, we don't have internet at the house yet and we're not sure when and if we will be getting it. I promise though, we will still be posting every other day!

New house. New baby?

Ever since Jason has started talking about having another baby I have always just said when we get a house. Well, we got a house. Yea, I didn't think we'd get an actual house this quickly so I wasn't expecting us to have another conversation about babies. But, alas here we are having the conversation about when to have a baby Butler. We have decided to wait, for now. For one as you read this we are literally in the process of moving into the new house. Another reason, Skyler decided to start using the potty. I know this sounds like a really lame reason, but when I was pregnant with Nolan I was super super sick and threw up more than a human should. Having gastroparesis and being pregnant isn't always a picnic and I'm well prepared for that, so I don't think using my energy on potty training while puking my guts up and working full time is going to mix so well. So it was a pretty easy decision to just wait a little bit, if I have my way we'll wait about six years and have kids who are able to be somewhat self sufficient instead of having two kids in diapers, a newborn, a kid who wants potty trained, and homeschooling. I'm just not emotionally or physically prepared for all that craziness. Right now I'm just going to focus on getting everyone settled into the new house, potty training Skyler, getting through the holidays, and not loosing my mind. There are so many amazing things that are going to be happening in our life these next few months so I'm hoping you guys bare with us and don't leave because of the lack of baby. We truly love you guys are so grateful for your support for the last nine-almost ten months! Let's see where this road takes us.

I misgendered someone!

Growing up my parents were kind of jerks, they instilled something called manners in me. They made me do things like say "please" and "thank you" and call people "ma'am" and "sir". I still to this day can't believe that they did that to me I'm still suffering. It has caused me to accidentally misgender someone. Yup, the person who lectures people about pronouns did it herself. I accidentally called a FTM person "ma'am" and when he told me that I made a mistake I was beyond embarrassed. Obviously it was unintentional and I made it known that I wasn't saying it to be rude, but I still feel bad about it. You see, when people misgender Callie it feels like they don't accept her. It feels like they're telling her she isn't worth the correct pronouns. It hurts! When transgender people, especially kids, get called by the wrong pronouns they feel unaccepted, when they feel that way the rate of suicide goes up. I'm not saying I pushed this kid passed his boiling point, but I know how he feels. From watching my daughter suffer I can tell you how he feels, I don't like knowing I made a kid feel that way. I am so hoping that I am one of the last people to ever make that mistake towards this young man and that he continues to correct people when they screw up.

So much to do and so little time

As I'm typing this I'm looking around our house and realizing we have so much more packing to do. We have so much cleaning to do, because face it this apartment housed 12 people in it and it needs cleaned! We have to be out on Saturday, not really sure what time, but I start work at three that day so I'd prefer before that. Even though we've taken over five trucks full, a trailer full, and tons of cars full of stuff we've pack and we've gotten rid of at least four garbage bags full of stuff-we still have more stuff! I don't understand it at all, most of this stuff I didn't even know existed! It's truly amazing how much stuff our family was able to have in this tiny house and it scares me to think of how much stuff we'll accumulate in the new house. If Jason has his way the kids won't get any toys from any family members this year for Christmas-yup you heard that right! He'd rather them get books or something like that, but those still take up room and I get anxiety just thinking of moving again in the future. Hopefully, next time we move my kids are old enough to understand that when something is in a box they shouldn't take it out and put it somewhere that we can never seem to find again**cough cough Anna and Kristof dolls RIP** I really hope unpacking goes a lot faster than packing, because I don't think I can stare at boxes for another month! It's just not happening!

Sometimes it's not worth fighting

Having a child with aspergers has taught me a lot, but I feel like the most important thing is sometimes fighting is pointless. Children with aspergers are extremely head strong, which is great! They know what they want and there is no stoping them and somethings that may seem odd to us are in their eyes perfect. For our boy some of those things include eating mac and cheese everyday for lunch and wearing a Minecraft hoodie everyday. We were told recently that we need to start making him eat other things and making him wear "clean clothes". I am here to tell you, it's not happening. We work with Hunter every single day getting him to do simple things like saying hello and making eye contact. Things that we do without thinking, he needs extra help. We make him try one new food a day, due to his aspergers he only likes certain textures and tastes so this is a huge thing for him! We decided these battles are best to be fought behind closed doors and when we go out to eat, he goes to school, or a sporting event or wherever it maybe he is allowed to wear his hoodie and eat his mac and cheese. We figured we're already making him upset by putting him in a social situation he deserves to have his comfort items. With that being said, his hoodie is clean. We wash it with his other clothes at night when he's home and he puts it on before going anywhere, it's just extremely worn-big difference guys! I am hoping over time he becomes okay with eating different foods when we're out, but for now it's okay. It works for our family and our boy is happy and in the end that's all that really matters.

Our youngest baby

Today is a hard day for me, it's a cruel reminder that somethings happen without a reason. That one thing was the loss of our baby boy. Last year Jason and I found out we were expecting and made plans to meet with a doctor, since I'm high risk with all my issues I decided sooner the better. They got us in and confirmed I was pregnant-sweet! How exciting is that another little baby Butler?! We were pumped and had a name picked out for either gender. The next doctors appointment we went to was to get an ultrasound, they did and it showed no heart beat. The scariest thing that could happen to someone during a pregnancy had happened and I wasn't okay with that. Jason and I sat there is disbelief and we asked for further testing to be done, I consider it my way of grieving because I always need an answer to everything. They did tons and tons of testing and we were able to find out we would have had a boy and the reason for the miscarriage was simply because Jason and I aren't able to have a baby together. This may confuse people, but it's because both of us are too fertile-yup legit reason! Mainly my hormones that have never been in balance and have always gave me problems. They gave us a list of ways we could have a baby, but finically right now it's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for our nine beautiful children and I wouldn't trade them for the world. It just sucks to know there's supposed to be a tenth with us right now and he's supposed to be here. I never thought I would cry so much over someone I didn't meet, but this tore me up so much and has made me more grateful for the kids I have and I can't wait to get the chance to hold our baby in heaven one day. Nolan Anthony Butler, we love you buddy and your daddy and I think of you every single day, keep being our guardian angel.

Moving with an adopted child

This is a topic I never thought I'd have to touch base on. I never thought adopted children should be treated differently and that we needed to take special precautions with an adopted child, boy I was wrong! I'm sure it's not this way for every adopted child, but ours it is definitely true-moving is a big deal in his little life. Ryker was 13 months old when we adopted him, but was mentally only around 6 months old and everything has been hard for him. This includes the little things that we never thought about, going on trips, meeting someone he's never met before, trying new foods, even sleeping in his own bed(especially a crib!). He's extremely sensitive so it shouldn't have surprised us when he started having mini panic attacks about us moving some of his stuff. He seriously thought we were getting rid of him, so we decided to pack his room last and to unpack it first. It will make our lives hopefully a little less hectic. So far it has helped, but he's still scared about all the boxes around the house. It makes my heart hurt so much that this little guy was hurt in the passed and is now afraid to do normal things that we take for granted. I am so glad he is in our lives and starting to make strides in life, but it's still kind of a slap in the face to see him like this. I hope once we get moved in and he sees all of his stuff is at the new house and so are we he'll be okay and finally relax!

Halloween shopping!

It's the most wonderful time of the year! I am so excited to do Halloween shopping! Or at least I was until my kids started picking out random characters who don't have costumes like anywhere. Like seriously, Zayden wants to be Rumpelstilskin because he saw Once Upon a Time recently and thought that Rumpel was the coolest guy ever(I think he missed the message there!). I am really excited that he wants to try something else, but I have no idea how to make a costume like that! Same with Tyson, he wants to be Robin Hood-the Once Upon a Time version not the animal one he doesn't like that one. Luckily, I know what he looks like and I know how to make that-but Rumpel is still making my head spin because I don't know what I'm going to do! My kids are weird what can I say? But, that just fits in with the Halloween theme I guess. The coolest part in my opinion is that we actually have a house to decorate! I don't think anyone understands the excitement of decorating an actual house with all the fun stuff, but mainly pumpkins because Skyler is afraid of literally everything Halloween related. Hopefully she will warm up to idea of scary decorations because I want to deck out the house! It's crazy to think though that Halloween is almost here! I seriously can't believe that it's almost the end of September and before I know it will be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas! I'm not ready for all these holidays back to back! This truly is a very fun time of the year though, my kids are so excited for everything and I can't wait to see Ryker and Skyler experience all these things for the first time, Skyler did celebrate last year but she was a baby so she doesn't remember. Wish me luck as we go through all these holidays that cost tons of money! RIP pay check!

Moms don't sleep!

Working full time, having nine kids, and moving is catching up to me! I am so tired! One of our dear friends was nice enough to watch my kids while I slept in a little bit yesterday, but my body doesn't think that's enough. When people look at our calendar, which is huge and takes up most of our wall so it's hard to miss, they always ask me the same question. "When do you sleep?!" The answer to that, I don't. That's a lie, I get about five hours a night on a good night! I was hoping that school would help out and we'd get on a schedule, but so far that hasn't happened. Maybe by May, we'll have this schedule down? I am so hoping something like that happens! Because, right now running from one thing to another isn't going too well. If anyone ever figures out how to duplicate yourself, please be nice and let me know the secret because I would love to know! I hope it's true what I keep getting told, that one day I'll miss this because right now I'm not too sure.

Should we tell them?

When you introduce your kids to someone it's typically easy, you just say their name and people can tell if they're a boy or girl. However, when you have a transgender child you don't want people to assume the wrong gender for your child. Callie looks like a girl, obviously, but I'm always afraid someones going to call her a boy and if that were to happen it would kill her inside. So we started thinking of what we should say, should we out her to people were just now meeting? Or should we let her be and have them never know? It would probably be easier for them not to know, however what if they say something against transgender rights and she overhears? What if they say something about "transgender people needing shot"(a comment she has overheard!) that's potentially putting her in an unsafe situation. But, at the same time telling some she's transgender and they think that way will also put her in an unsafe situation. There's really no winning in this situation in my opinion. No matter what I do my daughter could end up hurt, this was something I didn't actually worry about until the shootings in Orlando involving LGBTQ people and since that moment I've been terrified for my daughters safety. This isn't something I enjoy spending time worrying about to be totally honest, I'd rather have her just be comfortable with being herself. By being herself, I do in-fact mean being transgender-that is part of her! Sadly, I don't think she will feel comfortable with that for a long time-until everyone out there starts being okay with being transgender. That is my one wish, that she could live a safe, happy, healthy life. Please help make that wish a reality by starting to accept people like my daughter. In the words of Ellen Degeneres "Be kind to one another".

Packing with kids

The passed few weeks have been a learning experience, I've learned that you can pack a lot and still have your house look like you did no packing. I've also learned that packing with kids sucks! Don't get me wrong, they can be extremely helpful, but when it comes to their own stuff they like unpack as I pack so as I would get their rooms finished they would unpack things and put them on the floor and then I end up tripping over their toys. It's a wonderful time, really. So I decided on my days off I would take their friends' parents up on the offer of watching them while I pack. Which is exactly what I did yesterday, my house may still look like a mess, but I got a truck and a car full of boxes taken over to our new house. It's pretty nice to be getting these boxes out and to know that when we get to our new house we will have places for everything! I seriously can't wait to have my bedroom back, for the passed five years I've had toys or children's clothes or an actual child sharing a room with me and it will be very awesome to have a child free room(for a few days until my kids start climbing into my bed for various reasons!) Hopefully my kids start grasping the idea of packing and understand that they can unpack all they want once we move in because face it getting nine kids to help out with anything would make life a whole lot easier!

Just get rid of it!

There's nothing like packing up to move to make you realize how much junk you have. Seriously, I never realized that there was tons of stuff chilling in closets and such. I figured since I didn't even notice these things were missing we could probably sell them and be fine without it. Honestly part of me is thinking of just selling everything and starting over-I hate packing that much! Then I realize that starting over with nothing doesn't sound all that fun so I'll take what I can get at this point. I just wish someone would have warned me that when you have a lot of crap for sale on Craigslist it's wise to space out meeting times, cause I'm so exhausted from meeting with everyone. Despite that little bump, it's nice to have extra cash and less stuff to move. I'm sure the people helping me move would agree! We have enough to move as it is. Hopefully once we get rid of all the extra stuff we never use I will feel more motivated to get packed up because right now I'm so unmotivated that it's kind of pathetic. The only major thing motivating me is that we are getting so much more space! We even decided to make the basement, which isn't finished, into a playroom type thing(obviously not the main place they will play!). I am so excited to have a real kitchen again, to have a laundry room, and have my kids in their own rooms! Please continue to be patient with us and the blog as we move sometimes the posts might be late, but I promise I won't miss a day!

We got the house!!!

After months of searching we found a house to rent, it's not our permanent home as we do plan on buying in the future, but it's a good start. As much as we love the place we're in-it's filled with so many good memories-we realized we have outgrown the three bedrooms we have especially since there is no additional storage. The house we are moving to has four bedrooms, a basement, and an attic so it will fit our family until we find a house to buy which is exactly what we need. I can't wait until we finally get to move into the house and make it into our home, especially since the kitchen is now more than twice as big as our current one and gives me the space to get my mixer!(Yes Jason this is my way of putting you on the spot to buy it) Over the next few days I have to somehow pack up my entire house and deep clean it completely and try not cry as I remember the fact that Jason and I had our first date on the roof of this house and he later proposed in the same exact spot. I know this new house will bring so many memories, starting with the holidays, but it's hard to leave this one behind. If anyone has any tips of how to make this move a little less hectic I appreciate all advice! Sorry the blog is so short, I have to get back to packing! Love you guys!

Packing a family of 11!

If you aren't my friend on Facebook or follow me on Instagram you wouldn't know this, but we're moving! Well, maybe. If the landlord tells us we can have the house then we're moving. Just be safe I am planning to pack, which for most families probably isn't that hard, but when you have a family our size it should really be an Olympic sport. This requires a lot of planning, so much that I started planning before we even walked through the house. What do you pack? What do you keep out? What do you move first? We decided to pack a box of hand me downs that we were given for Ryker, we were planning on giving most of the stuff to him for his birthday and Christmas, so it was kind of a no brainer to just throw it in a box for now. After that was packed I was pretty useless, I mean we have to be out the moment he says we can move in(I'm not paying for two places! it's just not happening!) I'm hoping once he says it's all good and we can have it I figure out how to organize nine kids worth of stuff, cause face it us adults have like nothing to pack except our work uniforms! So far our only idea to keep us from losing our minds is to pack their backpacks with their homeschool stuff and stuff they need daily. You'd think with all the moving Jason and I have done we'd be pros, in just the last five years I've moved four times and Jason has moved three-and yes we're still bad at it! There's just some things people aren't good at and apparently ours is packing. I am going to apologize now, you guys are probably going to hear about our packing a lot for the next week or so! Sorry guys! Please still love us!

It's almost fall!

Without a doubt my favorite time of year is fall. There's just so much awesomeness about it and the fact our summer was so crazy hot and humid and just plain disgusting helps play into that this year. I mean really, who doesn't love hoodie weather? We apparently love it so much we bought each kid a hoodie for their birthdays! Which by the way, they still have yet to wear because it's still hot out. But, I look forward to watching football and soccer games in my hoodies with my youngest ones in their hoodies with cute little animal heads on them. I can't wait! Their first football practice however kind of killed my dreams, it was so bloody hot that I had to go home and get Tyson another water bottle because he had dumped most of his first one on his head! Yea, so fall weather you can hurry up and get here! I won't object! The only downside for it being fall, my Saturdays are going to be so super busy! We have soccer games, football games, and when the competition season starts-gymnastic meets! I'm hoping Jason can make it home for some of them so I have help otherwise my family is going to hate my as I pawn some kids off on them! Here's to a busy, yet fun time of year! Hopefully it starts to cool off!

Goodbye binkis!

Before I was a parent, there was nothing I hated more than seeing a grown child with a pacifier. That was until I had a four year old who seemed to NEED them! That's right my daughter was four when she finally gave them up. It wasn't because of my laziness or her being spoiled, it was just simply it was doing no harm. Stay with me here, in her four short years of life she moved houses five times, her dad was in and out of her life, she was sick, and she had a few surgeries. Her pediatrician and I agreed that taking away her comfort item would do more harm than good. Finally, when she was four, we were in a better place in life and she didn't need it for comfort. She still however claimed she needed it for bed, whatever-we were making progress and taking huge steps in the right direction! After a few months of just using it at night Jason and I decided it was time to take the last step and took her to Build-A-Bear with her binki in a baggy. We let her pick out a bear and when it came time to put in her heart we asked the lady if the binki could go in too. She gladly put that guy in there and told our daughter to say goodbye to it. She did and was very pleased with her new friend. It wasn't until bedtime that she truly realized what had happened and she was filled with a little regret and shed a few tears. We reminded her she didn't need the binkis anymore though because she's a big girl, but our little girl cried and told us "I'm still a baby though!". After a little cuddle session, reading to her new bear, and pointing out that being a bid kid was an okay thing she was fine. We haven't had an issue since! I was very impressed considering I know people who have a harder time giving them up, I actually worked with a girl who used a binki until she was 16! Yea, my four year old having one wasn't a big deal after I heard that. As much as I used to cringe when seeing a child walking around with a binki I now know what I wish more people realized, it isn't always the child's fault! That little piece of plastic and rubber was such a big part in comforting my daughter when she felt afraid and I couldn't be more thankful. Sometimes children using them have special needs and can't help it. My point is, don't judge. I was once like you and judged the parents for this but now I know better.

No more four year olds!

For a year now I have had such an easy time telling everyone our kids ages, it was just so easy to say "We have four four year olds" I can no longer say we even have one four year old! Today our last of the four turns five. Estella is our interesting child, she is the kid who always leaves us stumped when people ask what she likes because she honestly is just so easy going! Well, that is until she needs to like bathe or get her hair brushed then it's like World War III! But other than that she is our laid back kid who seems to be getting more and more outgoing as she gets older, I love it! While we're talking about the things I love about her, let's just get started with the list of five things I love about this kid! I love how she doesn't care what people think, including Jason and I, she will do her own thing anytime! I love that she loves karate and she's really good at it! She takes it very seriously and it's probably the only thing that will ever make her do things that need to get done! I love how helpful she is, Ryker is her baby and she will take care of him none stop and just loves doing everything for him. I love that she loves fruit, seriously this kid wanted blueberry muffins instead of cupcakes for her birthday! She also always asks for a fruit salad for lunch instead of almost anything else. And lastly, I love that she is as carefree and she is, sometimes I get frustrated with her but I realize this is her personality and she has to embrace that side of her and we shouldn't make her hide it. Estella Grey, you sometimes push our buttons(you know EXACTLY which ones to push!) but you also make us laugh like crazy. Thank you for being you. Happy birthday Stella!

What about the babies?!

Apparently I don't post enough about our youngest three, it's not because we don't love them-obviously! It's just they're so chill and go with the flow that there's not much to say! Savannah(3) has started preschool so she does have that exciting thing going on right now. She loves it! I was a little surprised, she's normally very shy but leading up to preschool she was getting more and more excited and literally ran into the school when we got there! I think the toddler program really helped her last year and I'm glad we decided to enroll her in it. Right now she only goes two days a week, though I think she would gladly go more if they'd let her! As for our youngest two, they are loving being home with mom! They aren't however loving their the toddler program, we attempted the other day and I guess they split the kids up into groups and they were in two different groups, yea it was bad. I always warn people not to split those two up, but they thought it would be okay for a short amount of time. We're going to attempt it again tomorrow and hopefully have better results! On a happier note, both Skyler and Ryker are starting gymnastics today! It's just a little kid tumbling class, but it's still very exciting, especially to Skyler every time we're at Brooke's practices she tries to copy everything the big girls do and it's so cute! I can't wait to see them jump and tumble like crazy! I will try to post more about the youngest ones, I promise!

Our Homeschool Curriculum

Let me just say, me doing one week of homeschool in no way shape or form makes me an expert. To be honest I have a lot to learn and am taking it week by week. However, I have been asked by a few people what curriculum we follow and how it works for us. In our state our kids must learn all of their basic subjects, obviously, and we have to keep record of all of the things we do and present them at the end of the year to our coordinator. We do not have a specific curriculum we have to follow however and it allows us to be a little more creative with what we do. My first graders and kindergartners use the same brand of books by DK books these are our main workbooks as well as our reference books for what I base most of our work off of. I have noticed however, if your child knows how to read and write before kindergarten these books are sometimes a little too easy and you have to find other sources to keep them busy during the day. Brooke has known how to read for over a year now and she normally finishes her language arts class very fast, I have found several websites that have worksheets and other ideas to help. My favorites for worksheets are Educents.com and Education.com we have been able to find tons of fun things for them to do on both of those sites. The other awesome thing about having a say in our curriculum is my kids get to learn about stuff that truly interests them, Zayden for example really likes dinosaurs and expressed interest in learning more about them to the point of asking if he can do a project on them. It sounded like an awesome idea to me so I'm working it into our lesson plans and were going to have an unit on dinosaurs. Don't get me wrong, they do have to learn things they don't like as well, but I remember as a kid sitting in school wishing I had some kind of a say in what was going on and now that I do I want my student to enjoy it. I'm truly hoping that by the time my oldest graduate I can be a pro homeschooler, but for now you guys get to learn with us!

First Week of school is done!

This week has been so incredibly long, it started with me hitting the snooze about three times on Monday morning! Whoever said the first day of school is a parent's Christmas obviously never met me because I'd rather sleep than get six kids ready for school. It's funny though, most of our kids got up on their own and were ready before either of us-good job kids! I was really impressed by them, we did have a few meltdowns here and there but for the most part they were ready to take on the world! This is the first time I've ever homeschooled and it was a little overwhelming at first, but as the week has gone on we've gotten into a routine and the only struggle I have now is my kids going through their work way too fast! Luckily, Pinterest is an amazing source and has tons of different homeschooling ideas. Hopefully I can use some of them in the future, but for now we're just getting some of the basics underway and trying to get them fully in the groove of this homeschooling thing. The other thing were struggling with is getting used to our fall schedule, our kids all play fall sports and apparently this is the year is the year for them all to start at the same time! I am so glad Jason was home on Monday because I'm not sure how I'm going to do it this upcoming Monday without losing my mind. Hopefully we all survive and the school year continues going well, I hope everyone who has already started school had an awesome first day and if you haven't started school yet-good luck!

Just one more birthday post, for now!

You're probably sick of birthday posts, but that's okay because this is the last one for the month of August! I promise we will have an actual post next time! But for now you have to listen to me ramble on about how much I love one of my kids, because what else would I do this early in the morning? So, yesterday was Brooke's fifth birthday! I seriously don't know how all these kids are getting so old because I don't feel any older. Brooke and Skyler are the only two kids I can seriously say I've know since before they were born, I love that I have watched this little girl go from a chubby little baby into an adorable five year old in what seems to be a blink of an eye. It seriously seems just like yesterday they handed her to me and I held her in the most awkward way ever, arms stretched out in front of me trying to hold tightly but not too tightly because I didn't want to hurt her. It was at that moment I realized how scary babies are to me! She was just so tiny and so breakable looking, like who trusted me with this child?! Luckily, she survived. I am so proud of this kid and I think you guys deserve to know the five things I love most about this kid. Oh my little bee, I love that you look at everything with the glass half full no matter what's going on you always stay positive and happy. I love that you know everything about all the things that interest you-Shawn Mendes, Shopkins, Princesses, gymnastics-anything you love you know everything you can about them it's so adorable to listen to you go on and on about these subjects. I love that you are a perfectionist, you always practice everything until you get it just right, please keep that up no matter what anyone tells you it will take you far in life. I love that you always want to learn new things, you keep wanting to do your homeschooling work a lot faster than I'm ready for! And lastly, I love the fact you don't care about what people think, you do what you want, even when people tell you that you can't do something because you're too small you always seem to punch back and say "yes I can!". You are an amazing kid bee, I hope your birthday was amazing! Happy fifth birthday Brooklyn Paige!

Callie and Hunter are five!

If you haven't caught on yet, our kids all have August birthdays. That's a lie, Estella's is in September and the youngest three have winterish birthdays, but the older kids are all born in August/September. Anyway, back to my point-our second oldest set of twins are turning five today! It's also their first day of kindergarten(they're really mad about that by the way). I can't believe they're five already, they have been in my life since they were just two years old! They were the cutest little boys(sorry Callie) that I had ever seen and I loved dressing them in their little coordinating outfits. They were so energetic and just made my life better. These two have been through a lot with me and I can't thank them enough for being so mature at such a young age to stay strong during some of the hardest times of their lives. When their dad left I was afraid that they would end up resenting me for being the reason he left, but it's just the opposite with these two. Hunter has become a protector and Callie has becoming so sympathetic to anyone who has something so hard going on. Now that we got all of that^ out of the way let's move on to the best part of birthdays, when your parents say all the things they love about you. So here are five amazing things Jason and I love about Callie and Hunter. Despite the fact everyone thinks Callie is older, Hunter actually is so we'll start with him: Hunter, I love that you are always so protective of everyone in the family, no matter what the situation you will make sure they aren't hurt. I love that you aren't afraid to try new foods anything I offer you, you'll happily try and normally eat it all! I love that you try so hard to learn new things, especially reading you're getting so good and dad and I are so proud! I love that you weren't afraid of what people would think when Callie started her transition, I know it's been hard for you but you never let it show. And lastly I love that you are so giving, you have given up a lot so others can have what you have and I couldn't be prouder! Happy Birthday Hunter Emmanuel! Now onto Callie, Callie oh Callie I think this first one is obvious I love that you aren't afraid to be yourself, you don't care what others think as long as you're happy that's all that matters! I love that you stand up for people who are being bullied, you know what it's like first hand and always want to make sure people have a friend, I know you'll make so many friends in school and I can't wait to meet them! I love your excitement for everything, you always look for the bright spots in life no matter how boring something may seem you always make it exciting-even doctor visits! I love that you always encourage your siblings when they're trying something new, you were the first one to swim without floaties and to ride without training wheels so when your siblings are learning you're always their biggest cheerleader and I love it! And of course I love that you are always the kid that asks me to try random stuff in cook books, I know it sounds weird but you are helping me be better and you always want to help so that's even better! Happy birthday Callie Marie! I hope your birthdays are amazing and the first day of school goes well, you two are so important to not just me but our entire family.

Goodbye summer, hello school!

I can't believe summer is over, Monday our kids start school it's crazy! It seriously feels like summer just started, so much has happened this summer and I think it's safe to say our kids had an amazing summer. They have been to amusement parks, baseball games, museums, and beaches everything that summer should have-theirs had and then some! We are trying to enjoy this last full day of summer and be ready for a long day on Monday. I am just hoping we are all able to wake up on time, I'm not a morning person thus making my kids not morning people I seriously think the earliest we woke up during the summer was like 9:30 and that was on a good day. For the school year we have to be up by six am and not a moment later, yea it's going to be fun! I applaud the parents that kept their kids on a schedule during the summer, I so wish I could have done that but it just wasn't in the cards for us apparently! Our kids are in for a rude awaking this upcoming week between waking up early, going to school for six hours, and doing the most dreaded thing ever-HOMEWORK! I feel bad, but they need to do it. I'm just hoping it goes semi-smoothly! To everyone starting school, good luck this school year! I hope the year is amazing for everyone, enjoy!

They aren't babies anymore!

Tomorrow is a fun day in our house, it's our oldest twos birthday. Zayden and Tyson will be turning SIX! It's such an exciting moment for them, but kind of sad for us. When our kids get older we get older and I'm not okay with that! I do want to say, I am beyond glad that I have gotten to see these kids grow up so much in the passed two years. They went from being these shy little four year olds who didn't like coming to my house because it was "girly" to smart, funny, loving, kind six year olds who talk nonstop and are slowly taking over the house with their sports stuff. As per tradition in our house Jason and I made a list of six things we love about these two. We'll start with Zayden since he's older. Zayden, we love the way you always put others first you have gone out of your way many times to make sure all your siblings have what they need. We love that you love reading and always want new books, that you ask for second helpings of fruit instead of candy, that you're a fighter and you keep your head held high in the hardest of times. We love that you have a love for God and want to learn more about religion and aren't afraid to ask questions, and lastly we love that you are ready to take on first grade and learn more because you love learning that much-happy birthday Zayden Joseph! Tyson, oh my goodness, we love that you are so sweet to everyone you never say anything mean to anyone no matter what they do to you. We love that you're always willing to try new things, wether it be food or sports you never question try it. We love that you will draw anything anytime and that you personalize your art work for us! We love that during that scary snow storm instead of being scared and thinking of yourself you looked at me and asked "Mom, where do homeless people go during this?" and instantly thought of ways to help them. We love that you help with your younger siblings all the time, especially with Ryker, you always make sure they have enough of everything no matter what the cost for you. One last things Tyson, we love that you aren't afraid to be silly and crazy-you are a super carefree child and we love it! Tyson Xander you are amazing, happy birthday buddy! We hope both of these kiddos have amazing birthdays and they continue to grow up to be amazing young men.

We went to the Temple!

As you already know, I am Mormon. My religion is one of the most important things in my life and I love sharing it with anyone who is willing to listen. This includes my nonmember family members, whether they like it or not they have to hear about how important this is to me. One of the biggest parts of being a Mormon is going to visit the Temple. For the longest time the closest one was several hours away so we didn't get to visit it. However, they just finished building one not too far from us and because it was just built we were able to go to an open house-that means nonmembers like my family can go in! We were able to go on a tour of the entire Temple and it was honestly one of the most amazing moments of my life. It's kind of hard to explain, but when I walked in I immediately felt overwhelmed with a warm comforting feeling. I am so glad we finally got to go, I think my nonmember family were even touched by it, maybe that will help encourage them to seek the truth. I am beyond excited to continue to go to the temple, hopefully with a few more members of my family! Hopefully however, the man standing outside the Temple bashing our faith isn't there. It isn't so much that he has a different opinion, that doesn't bother me at all, it's the fact he had all his information wrong. I think there were only two things in his paper that were actually right and it makes me sad that he thinks it's okay to spread lies about our faith. I'm hoping someone has the time to talk to him and tell him the truth, I would have done it but he wasn't standing there when I got back from eating my lunch. Anyway, I am very glad we went and can't wait till we go back. If you want to go visit, even if you're not a member you can go the next few weeks for their open houses! I definitely suggest doing it.

We're not adoptive parents

Unless you have been living under a rock you have heard about Simone Biles and the fact she's kicking butt at the Olympics. You have probably also heard a sports commentator made a comment about how her parents "may be mom and dad, but are not her parents.". Yea, he offended families everywhere with a little comment like that, ours included. Before I proceed, let me just say we are NOT adoptive parents! We are parents who just happen to have adopted children, it doesn't make them less ours however. We love all nine equally and they all receive the same treatment. We don't use the word "adopted" to describe our children, not because we're ashamed but because it's pointless.  It's pointless to us to label our children, it's just not something we need, we know they're ours and that's really all that matters. Putting labels on our children and constantly reminding them that they aren't biologically ours wouldn't help that all, it would just harm them in my opinion. Two of our children who happen to be adopted have already started wondering why they "Weren't wanted" and I don't want them to feel that way. I honestly don't understand why in 2016 we are still having the discussion of if adoptive parents are really parents. This subject is one that has been going on for years now and the answer is simple. Yes, adoptive parents ARE parents. DNA doesn't make a family, love does.

Getting back on schedule

I think everyone will agree when I say that getting back on a school schedule really sucks. I love summer, especially the sleeping in part-yup kids you read that right moms like sleeping in too! The passed few weeks have been really hard, I'm trying to get the kids back on schedule and ready for school to start but I'm really bad about waking up at six am! Honestly if school started just one hour later I'd be fine, but six is way too early for me apparently. Today however, we have doctors appointments, Brooke needs her Omnipod changed, and the dog needed his medicine, so I had a lot to do and not much time to do. That little bit of extra encouragement got me up, but the kids were still super hard to get up. I'm hoping by next Monday I can get them up easily and not have to fight nine kids every morning! They are starting to get very excited about school starting so the possibility of them waking up is very likely. I still can't believe in little over a week I will have two first graders, four kindergartners, a three year old preschooler, and two in the toddler class at our preschool! I am so excited for them and glad they are hitting milestones, but I am also very sad that they're getting old because that means I am too! I'm hoping we make a lot of memories this next week and that they have a lot to talk about on the first day of school when someone asks how awesome their summer was! Now, to take nine kids to the dentist-wish me luck!

One year down, forever to go

A year ago we took our little boy to the pediatrician and left without him. A year ago we went into a store with a little girl beaming with the biggest smile in the world because she was finally accepted. A year ago we heard the words that we had known to be true for a very long time, "Your child has gender dysphoria". The news we received that day changed everything, it changed how we talk, how we look at things, and how we treat each other. We no longer said something was girly or something was only for boys, we no longer saw things as black and white things were rainbow colored from then on. Because the year was 2015 and Target had just made their toy section gender neutral(which by the way did NOT sit well with my transgender child!), we assumed that people would be okay with it. Boy were we wrong, we lost a lot of friends when we announced our news and had some harsh words from former coworkers. Those harsh words had such an impact that I cried in the break room and then cried before clocking in one day and my mom marched up to the manager and said if he didn't do something about it she would! Her grammy claws were out full force! Luckily my manager took it seriously and took care of the issue before my mom had to do anything. That was our first, but sadly not our last bit of discrimination we received. We've been told we're child abusers, that we have brainwashed our children, that we were forcing our "son" to do this. So many lies have been made about our family, calls to CPS have been put in because of our choices, and it's just not okay. Recently we had an appointment with our family therapist who focuses mostly on Callie and her issues, for the obvious reasons, and she asked Callie if she felt different and Jason and I learned some stuff we had never known before. Callie admitted that when she would dress as a boy she would get sad and pray to God to take her away, our little three year old was asking God to take her away so she could stop being a boy. When we heard her say that, we both knew what we did was right. From that moment the hatred people had towards our choices were pushed to the back of our mind and focus on doing what was right for our child. We vowed as parents to love and support our child no matter what and I plan on doing just that. Callie has grown so much in the passed year, she went from being a self conscious child who wouldn't wear jeans in public, to an out going sassy four-almost five-year old. I couldn't be more proud of her and I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.