Our youngest baby

Today is a hard day for me, it's a cruel reminder that somethings happen without a reason. That one thing was the loss of our baby boy. Last year Jason and I found out we were expecting and made plans to meet with a doctor, since I'm high risk with all my issues I decided sooner the better. They got us in and confirmed I was pregnant-sweet! How exciting is that another little baby Butler?! We were pumped and had a name picked out for either gender. The next doctors appointment we went to was to get an ultrasound, they did and it showed no heart beat. The scariest thing that could happen to someone during a pregnancy had happened and I wasn't okay with that. Jason and I sat there is disbelief and we asked for further testing to be done, I consider it my way of grieving because I always need an answer to everything. They did tons and tons of testing and we were able to find out we would have had a boy and the reason for the miscarriage was simply because Jason and I aren't able to have a baby together. This may confuse people, but it's because both of us are too fertile-yup legit reason! Mainly my hormones that have never been in balance and have always gave me problems. They gave us a list of ways we could have a baby, but finically right now it's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for our nine beautiful children and I wouldn't trade them for the world. It just sucks to know there's supposed to be a tenth with us right now and he's supposed to be here. I never thought I would cry so much over someone I didn't meet, but this tore me up so much and has made me more grateful for the kids I have and I can't wait to get the chance to hold our baby in heaven one day. Nolan Anthony Butler, we love you buddy and your daddy and I think of you every single day, keep being our guardian angel.