I misgendered someone!

Growing up my parents were kind of jerks, they instilled something called manners in me. They made me do things like say "please" and "thank you" and call people "ma'am" and "sir". I still to this day can't believe that they did that to me I'm still suffering. It has caused me to accidentally misgender someone. Yup, the person who lectures people about pronouns did it herself. I accidentally called a FTM person "ma'am" and when he told me that I made a mistake I was beyond embarrassed. Obviously it was unintentional and I made it known that I wasn't saying it to be rude, but I still feel bad about it. You see, when people misgender Callie it feels like they don't accept her. It feels like they're telling her she isn't worth the correct pronouns. It hurts! When transgender people, especially kids, get called by the wrong pronouns they feel unaccepted, when they feel that way the rate of suicide goes up. I'm not saying I pushed this kid passed his boiling point, but I know how he feels. From watching my daughter suffer I can tell you how he feels, I don't like knowing I made a kid feel that way. I am so hoping that I am one of the last people to ever make that mistake towards this young man and that he continues to correct people when they screw up.

So much to do and so little time

As I'm typing this I'm looking around our house and realizing we have so much more packing to do. We have so much cleaning to do, because face it this apartment housed 12 people in it and it needs cleaned! We have to be out on Saturday, not really sure what time, but I start work at three that day so I'd prefer before that. Even though we've taken over five trucks full, a trailer full, and tons of cars full of stuff we've pack and we've gotten rid of at least four garbage bags full of stuff-we still have more stuff! I don't understand it at all, most of this stuff I didn't even know existed! It's truly amazing how much stuff our family was able to have in this tiny house and it scares me to think of how much stuff we'll accumulate in the new house. If Jason has his way the kids won't get any toys from any family members this year for Christmas-yup you heard that right! He'd rather them get books or something like that, but those still take up room and I get anxiety just thinking of moving again in the future. Hopefully, next time we move my kids are old enough to understand that when something is in a box they shouldn't take it out and put it somewhere that we can never seem to find again**cough cough Anna and Kristof dolls RIP** I really hope unpacking goes a lot faster than packing, because I don't think I can stare at boxes for another month! It's just not happening!

Sometimes it's not worth fighting

Having a child with aspergers has taught me a lot, but I feel like the most important thing is sometimes fighting is pointless. Children with aspergers are extremely head strong, which is great! They know what they want and there is no stoping them and somethings that may seem odd to us are in their eyes perfect. For our boy some of those things include eating mac and cheese everyday for lunch and wearing a Minecraft hoodie everyday. We were told recently that we need to start making him eat other things and making him wear "clean clothes". I am here to tell you, it's not happening. We work with Hunter every single day getting him to do simple things like saying hello and making eye contact. Things that we do without thinking, he needs extra help. We make him try one new food a day, due to his aspergers he only likes certain textures and tastes so this is a huge thing for him! We decided these battles are best to be fought behind closed doors and when we go out to eat, he goes to school, or a sporting event or wherever it maybe he is allowed to wear his hoodie and eat his mac and cheese. We figured we're already making him upset by putting him in a social situation he deserves to have his comfort items. With that being said, his hoodie is clean. We wash it with his other clothes at night when he's home and he puts it on before going anywhere, it's just extremely worn-big difference guys! I am hoping over time he becomes okay with eating different foods when we're out, but for now it's okay. It works for our family and our boy is happy and in the end that's all that really matters.

Our youngest baby

Today is a hard day for me, it's a cruel reminder that somethings happen without a reason. That one thing was the loss of our baby boy. Last year Jason and I found out we were expecting and made plans to meet with a doctor, since I'm high risk with all my issues I decided sooner the better. They got us in and confirmed I was pregnant-sweet! How exciting is that another little baby Butler?! We were pumped and had a name picked out for either gender. The next doctors appointment we went to was to get an ultrasound, they did and it showed no heart beat. The scariest thing that could happen to someone during a pregnancy had happened and I wasn't okay with that. Jason and I sat there is disbelief and we asked for further testing to be done, I consider it my way of grieving because I always need an answer to everything. They did tons and tons of testing and we were able to find out we would have had a boy and the reason for the miscarriage was simply because Jason and I aren't able to have a baby together. This may confuse people, but it's because both of us are too fertile-yup legit reason! Mainly my hormones that have never been in balance and have always gave me problems. They gave us a list of ways we could have a baby, but finically right now it's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for our nine beautiful children and I wouldn't trade them for the world. It just sucks to know there's supposed to be a tenth with us right now and he's supposed to be here. I never thought I would cry so much over someone I didn't meet, but this tore me up so much and has made me more grateful for the kids I have and I can't wait to get the chance to hold our baby in heaven one day. Nolan Anthony Butler, we love you buddy and your daddy and I think of you every single day, keep being our guardian angel.

Moving with an adopted child

This is a topic I never thought I'd have to touch base on. I never thought adopted children should be treated differently and that we needed to take special precautions with an adopted child, boy I was wrong! I'm sure it's not this way for every adopted child, but ours it is definitely true-moving is a big deal in his little life. Ryker was 13 months old when we adopted him, but was mentally only around 6 months old and everything has been hard for him. This includes the little things that we never thought about, going on trips, meeting someone he's never met before, trying new foods, even sleeping in his own bed(especially a crib!). He's extremely sensitive so it shouldn't have surprised us when he started having mini panic attacks about us moving some of his stuff. He seriously thought we were getting rid of him, so we decided to pack his room last and to unpack it first. It will make our lives hopefully a little less hectic. So far it has helped, but he's still scared about all the boxes around the house. It makes my heart hurt so much that this little guy was hurt in the passed and is now afraid to do normal things that we take for granted. I am so glad he is in our lives and starting to make strides in life, but it's still kind of a slap in the face to see him like this. I hope once we get moved in and he sees all of his stuff is at the new house and so are we he'll be okay and finally relax!

Halloween shopping!

It's the most wonderful time of the year! I am so excited to do Halloween shopping! Or at least I was until my kids started picking out random characters who don't have costumes like anywhere. Like seriously, Zayden wants to be Rumpelstilskin because he saw Once Upon a Time recently and thought that Rumpel was the coolest guy ever(I think he missed the message there!). I am really excited that he wants to try something else, but I have no idea how to make a costume like that! Same with Tyson, he wants to be Robin Hood-the Once Upon a Time version not the animal one he doesn't like that one. Luckily, I know what he looks like and I know how to make that-but Rumpel is still making my head spin because I don't know what I'm going to do! My kids are weird what can I say? But, that just fits in with the Halloween theme I guess. The coolest part in my opinion is that we actually have a house to decorate! I don't think anyone understands the excitement of decorating an actual house with all the fun stuff, but mainly pumpkins because Skyler is afraid of literally everything Halloween related. Hopefully she will warm up to idea of scary decorations because I want to deck out the house! It's crazy to think though that Halloween is almost here! I seriously can't believe that it's almost the end of September and before I know it will be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas! I'm not ready for all these holidays back to back! This truly is a very fun time of the year though, my kids are so excited for everything and I can't wait to see Ryker and Skyler experience all these things for the first time, Skyler did celebrate last year but she was a baby so she doesn't remember. Wish me luck as we go through all these holidays that cost tons of money! RIP pay check!

Moms don't sleep!

Working full time, having nine kids, and moving is catching up to me! I am so tired! One of our dear friends was nice enough to watch my kids while I slept in a little bit yesterday, but my body doesn't think that's enough. When people look at our calendar, which is huge and takes up most of our wall so it's hard to miss, they always ask me the same question. "When do you sleep?!" The answer to that, I don't. That's a lie, I get about five hours a night on a good night! I was hoping that school would help out and we'd get on a schedule, but so far that hasn't happened. Maybe by May, we'll have this schedule down? I am so hoping something like that happens! Because, right now running from one thing to another isn't going too well. If anyone ever figures out how to duplicate yourself, please be nice and let me know the secret because I would love to know! I hope it's true what I keep getting told, that one day I'll miss this because right now I'm not too sure.

Should we tell them?

When you introduce your kids to someone it's typically easy, you just say their name and people can tell if they're a boy or girl. However, when you have a transgender child you don't want people to assume the wrong gender for your child. Callie looks like a girl, obviously, but I'm always afraid someones going to call her a boy and if that were to happen it would kill her inside. So we started thinking of what we should say, should we out her to people were just now meeting? Or should we let her be and have them never know? It would probably be easier for them not to know, however what if they say something against transgender rights and she overhears? What if they say something about "transgender people needing shot"(a comment she has overheard!) that's potentially putting her in an unsafe situation. But, at the same time telling some she's transgender and they think that way will also put her in an unsafe situation. There's really no winning in this situation in my opinion. No matter what I do my daughter could end up hurt, this was something I didn't actually worry about until the shootings in Orlando involving LGBTQ people and since that moment I've been terrified for my daughters safety. This isn't something I enjoy spending time worrying about to be totally honest, I'd rather have her just be comfortable with being herself. By being herself, I do in-fact mean being transgender-that is part of her! Sadly, I don't think she will feel comfortable with that for a long time-until everyone out there starts being okay with being transgender. That is my one wish, that she could live a safe, happy, healthy life. Please help make that wish a reality by starting to accept people like my daughter. In the words of Ellen Degeneres "Be kind to one another".

Packing with kids

The passed few weeks have been a learning experience, I've learned that you can pack a lot and still have your house look like you did no packing. I've also learned that packing with kids sucks! Don't get me wrong, they can be extremely helpful, but when it comes to their own stuff they like unpack as I pack so as I would get their rooms finished they would unpack things and put them on the floor and then I end up tripping over their toys. It's a wonderful time, really. So I decided on my days off I would take their friends' parents up on the offer of watching them while I pack. Which is exactly what I did yesterday, my house may still look like a mess, but I got a truck and a car full of boxes taken over to our new house. It's pretty nice to be getting these boxes out and to know that when we get to our new house we will have places for everything! I seriously can't wait to have my bedroom back, for the passed five years I've had toys or children's clothes or an actual child sharing a room with me and it will be very awesome to have a child free room(for a few days until my kids start climbing into my bed for various reasons!) Hopefully my kids start grasping the idea of packing and understand that they can unpack all they want once we move in because face it getting nine kids to help out with anything would make life a whole lot easier!

Just get rid of it!

There's nothing like packing up to move to make you realize how much junk you have. Seriously, I never realized that there was tons of stuff chilling in closets and such. I figured since I didn't even notice these things were missing we could probably sell them and be fine without it. Honestly part of me is thinking of just selling everything and starting over-I hate packing that much! Then I realize that starting over with nothing doesn't sound all that fun so I'll take what I can get at this point. I just wish someone would have warned me that when you have a lot of crap for sale on Craigslist it's wise to space out meeting times, cause I'm so exhausted from meeting with everyone. Despite that little bump, it's nice to have extra cash and less stuff to move. I'm sure the people helping me move would agree! We have enough to move as it is. Hopefully once we get rid of all the extra stuff we never use I will feel more motivated to get packed up because right now I'm so unmotivated that it's kind of pathetic. The only major thing motivating me is that we are getting so much more space! We even decided to make the basement, which isn't finished, into a playroom type thing(obviously not the main place they will play!). I am so excited to have a real kitchen again, to have a laundry room, and have my kids in their own rooms! Please continue to be patient with us and the blog as we move sometimes the posts might be late, but I promise I won't miss a day!

We got the house!!!

After months of searching we found a house to rent, it's not our permanent home as we do plan on buying in the future, but it's a good start. As much as we love the place we're in-it's filled with so many good memories-we realized we have outgrown the three bedrooms we have especially since there is no additional storage. The house we are moving to has four bedrooms, a basement, and an attic so it will fit our family until we find a house to buy which is exactly what we need. I can't wait until we finally get to move into the house and make it into our home, especially since the kitchen is now more than twice as big as our current one and gives me the space to get my mixer!(Yes Jason this is my way of putting you on the spot to buy it) Over the next few days I have to somehow pack up my entire house and deep clean it completely and try not cry as I remember the fact that Jason and I had our first date on the roof of this house and he later proposed in the same exact spot. I know this new house will bring so many memories, starting with the holidays, but it's hard to leave this one behind. If anyone has any tips of how to make this move a little less hectic I appreciate all advice! Sorry the blog is so short, I have to get back to packing! Love you guys!

Packing a family of 11!

If you aren't my friend on Facebook or follow me on Instagram you wouldn't know this, but we're moving! Well, maybe. If the landlord tells us we can have the house then we're moving. Just be safe I am planning to pack, which for most families probably isn't that hard, but when you have a family our size it should really be an Olympic sport. This requires a lot of planning, so much that I started planning before we even walked through the house. What do you pack? What do you keep out? What do you move first? We decided to pack a box of hand me downs that we were given for Ryker, we were planning on giving most of the stuff to him for his birthday and Christmas, so it was kind of a no brainer to just throw it in a box for now. After that was packed I was pretty useless, I mean we have to be out the moment he says we can move in(I'm not paying for two places! it's just not happening!) I'm hoping once he says it's all good and we can have it I figure out how to organize nine kids worth of stuff, cause face it us adults have like nothing to pack except our work uniforms! So far our only idea to keep us from losing our minds is to pack their backpacks with their homeschool stuff and stuff they need daily. You'd think with all the moving Jason and I have done we'd be pros, in just the last five years I've moved four times and Jason has moved three-and yes we're still bad at it! There's just some things people aren't good at and apparently ours is packing. I am going to apologize now, you guys are probably going to hear about our packing a lot for the next week or so! Sorry guys! Please still love us!

It's almost fall!

Without a doubt my favorite time of year is fall. There's just so much awesomeness about it and the fact our summer was so crazy hot and humid and just plain disgusting helps play into that this year. I mean really, who doesn't love hoodie weather? We apparently love it so much we bought each kid a hoodie for their birthdays! Which by the way, they still have yet to wear because it's still hot out. But, I look forward to watching football and soccer games in my hoodies with my youngest ones in their hoodies with cute little animal heads on them. I can't wait! Their first football practice however kind of killed my dreams, it was so bloody hot that I had to go home and get Tyson another water bottle because he had dumped most of his first one on his head! Yea, so fall weather you can hurry up and get here! I won't object! The only downside for it being fall, my Saturdays are going to be so super busy! We have soccer games, football games, and when the competition season starts-gymnastic meets! I'm hoping Jason can make it home for some of them so I have help otherwise my family is going to hate my as I pawn some kids off on them! Here's to a busy, yet fun time of year! Hopefully it starts to cool off!

Goodbye binkis!

Before I was a parent, there was nothing I hated more than seeing a grown child with a pacifier. That was until I had a four year old who seemed to NEED them! That's right my daughter was four when she finally gave them up. It wasn't because of my laziness or her being spoiled, it was just simply it was doing no harm. Stay with me here, in her four short years of life she moved houses five times, her dad was in and out of her life, she was sick, and she had a few surgeries. Her pediatrician and I agreed that taking away her comfort item would do more harm than good. Finally, when she was four, we were in a better place in life and she didn't need it for comfort. She still however claimed she needed it for bed, whatever-we were making progress and taking huge steps in the right direction! After a few months of just using it at night Jason and I decided it was time to take the last step and took her to Build-A-Bear with her binki in a baggy. We let her pick out a bear and when it came time to put in her heart we asked the lady if the binki could go in too. She gladly put that guy in there and told our daughter to say goodbye to it. She did and was very pleased with her new friend. It wasn't until bedtime that she truly realized what had happened and she was filled with a little regret and shed a few tears. We reminded her she didn't need the binkis anymore though because she's a big girl, but our little girl cried and told us "I'm still a baby though!". After a little cuddle session, reading to her new bear, and pointing out that being a bid kid was an okay thing she was fine. We haven't had an issue since! I was very impressed considering I know people who have a harder time giving them up, I actually worked with a girl who used a binki until she was 16! Yea, my four year old having one wasn't a big deal after I heard that. As much as I used to cringe when seeing a child walking around with a binki I now know what I wish more people realized, it isn't always the child's fault! That little piece of plastic and rubber was such a big part in comforting my daughter when she felt afraid and I couldn't be more thankful. Sometimes children using them have special needs and can't help it. My point is, don't judge. I was once like you and judged the parents for this but now I know better.

No more four year olds!

For a year now I have had such an easy time telling everyone our kids ages, it was just so easy to say "We have four four year olds" I can no longer say we even have one four year old! Today our last of the four turns five. Estella is our interesting child, she is the kid who always leaves us stumped when people ask what she likes because she honestly is just so easy going! Well, that is until she needs to like bathe or get her hair brushed then it's like World War III! But other than that she is our laid back kid who seems to be getting more and more outgoing as she gets older, I love it! While we're talking about the things I love about her, let's just get started with the list of five things I love about this kid! I love how she doesn't care what people think, including Jason and I, she will do her own thing anytime! I love that she loves karate and she's really good at it! She takes it very seriously and it's probably the only thing that will ever make her do things that need to get done! I love how helpful she is, Ryker is her baby and she will take care of him none stop and just loves doing everything for him. I love that she loves fruit, seriously this kid wanted blueberry muffins instead of cupcakes for her birthday! She also always asks for a fruit salad for lunch instead of almost anything else. And lastly, I love that she is as carefree and she is, sometimes I get frustrated with her but I realize this is her personality and she has to embrace that side of her and we shouldn't make her hide it. Estella Grey, you sometimes push our buttons(you know EXACTLY which ones to push!) but you also make us laugh like crazy. Thank you for being you. Happy birthday Stella!