Dealing with loss

It's crazy to think almost two months ago my life changed forever. On April 20th I lost my favorite person in the world, my grandma. My grandma was beyond special to me she helped raise me. After my parents divorced my mom went back to college and my grandma became my babysitter. She did awesome! I had cookies all the time, learned how to cheat at board games, and got anything I wanted. Grandmas really are the best. As I got older, she got sicker. Our times of baking together and playing games were gone and I was now cooking for her and helping take care of her. I was fine with it however, I still got to hear stories about my dad from when he was a kid and I was still spoiled as can be. Eventually I ended up moving three hours away, leaving her was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I was worried about her all the time. Like any good grandma, she sent me cards on every holiday to let me know she was thinking of me-I mean every holiday even the unimportant ones! That made this move a little easier, but I still missed her. Thankfully my older brother still lived in the same town and was playing soccer so we made a trip home for almost every game and I got to spend more time with her. Sadly though, every time I came back she was worse. She was given the diagnosis of having Alzheimer's and that's when my worrying kicked itself up a few notches. It seemed like every time we saw her she needed reminded of all the little things, which was expected but still hard. That's when I came to the realization, this disease freaking sucks. Not only would it one day take her life, but it takes your loved one away from you before they're really gone. I mean really, the last time I saw her alive-Easter Sunday-she only knew who I was for about ten minutes, she was there but not all at the same time. Luckily, regardless of knowing who I was, she still talked as much as she could. It was hard for her, but she did it. This woman went through hell in her life, but never gave up even for a second. Even though these passed two months have been super hard, I know I will be able to overcome it. Don't get me wrong, I will never "get over" the loss of my grandma that's not something that can actually ever happen, but I know I will be able to live with it. Having my kids is actually making it easier for me to deal with this, Ryker has no clue what happened he just knows I went on a "vacation" for a few days to deal with it. Brooke however knows exactly what happened, she knows that grandma is gone and talks about her sometimes to me, she's super sensitive to loss. However, when I'm having a hard day she knows exactly what to do and let me tell you, nothing fixes a sad moment like a baby cuddle(or a big kid cuddle). With all that being said, I know one day I will be with her again, but for now she's with God and my nephew partying it up. We love you grandma.