Fighting a Demon

What's up guys it's Jason. I'm taking over the blog for the day to talk about something that I've been dealing with silently for about a month now. As you all know my sister passed away along with her husband and it kind of hit me harder than I was expecting. Obviously when you lose someone you love you're shaken up quite a bit and just end up thinking of life and everything to do with it. Point is, I wasn't sure how to handle the depression that I had from this whole situation. Right after the funeral my dad, my other sister's boyfriend, and I all went out to get drinks-I know bad little Mormon boy, but it happens. They were both good and able to handle how much they were drinking, but for whatever reason I wasn't feeling any kind of buzz I guess from it and just kept drinking until I felt something. I was searching for relief and just not getting any. What started as just an one night thing quickly escalated into a month of drinking every single day from pretty much the moment I woke up until I hit the pillow. It resulted in fights with my wife and of course the loss of my job. This is obviously something I'm not proud of and totally embarrassed by, but because I love my wife and want to make everything right again I told her I would share my story. I'm not sharing it for sympathy in the slightest, I don't want people feeling bad for me. I'm sharing it to end the stigma of alcoholics being dead beat idiots who don't spend time with their family. You never know what someone is going through and it is a lot harder to stop drinking than people think. For example, my way of avoiding the bar right now at 12 am is writing this post several hours before it needs to be posted. I have to keep myself busy or drinking is all I think about. Luckily, I have nine kids and a pregnant wife who are all more than willing to give me something to do. This is something I will be struggling with for the rest of my life and I am more than prepared to deal with it even if it did take me awhile to get around to it. So I guess this is where I end this thing, I hope that this doesn't change how any of you guys feel about us because it would honestly kill me to know that. Life happens, just remember that-YOU ARE WORTH IT.